𝙾𝙼𝙾𝚁𝙸 ~ 𝟷𝟶 𝚈𝙴𝙰𝚁𝚂

mari

TW: fatigue, course language, descriptions of physical injury, self-loathing, suicidal thoughts/actions, begging for punishment.

The fatigue was getting worse, and as soon as the song finished, I dropped my violin, stumbling offstage. The crowd murmured and gasped, my leaving taking everybody by surprise. The violin's neck snapped off of the body. I could hear it.

Not even bothering to grab a coat, I ran outside through the back door to where the stranger was waiting. And, she just kept running. There was something so intense about it. And, I followed. She ran down the streets, past houses and trees, past stores and parks, and all the while I made my best effort.

Turning around behind the church, she disappeared behind the building. When I reached where the corner and turned it, she was nowhere to be seen. Rather, I saw the graveyard.

And, I knew where she was telling me to go.

Collapsing on my knees in front of Mari's headstone, I panted heavily. Squinting my eyes shut, I could feel as tears streaked my cheeks. I lost control over my own body, and I fell onto the stone, holding it tightly.

"M-Mari... The world's gone to shit," I told her. I took the chance to laugh a bit after, but I continued. "At least- At least my world has."

Grabbing a fistful of grass and yanking a weed from the ground, I sighed. "I miss you so much. I-I don't know what I'm doing with my life."

"Really, who does?"

I jumped a little, looking up to see the stranger sitting on the stone. But, this time, her cloak was white and her hood pulled down. She had a gentle smile on her face, and her long black hair flowed in the nonexistent wind. She was translucent and glowing white, and I knew in a heartbeat who she was. Her face and body was battered and bruised, and there was a dent in her head like she had fallen straight onto it.

"You're here..." I said. My voice would have sounded shocked if I wasn't so tired.

"Of course. I've always been here, watching over my little brother." She laughed. "Well, you're not so little anymore!"

"How are you..."

"You're probably seeing me as a result of your fatigued state, but believe me, I'm here."

I reached up, attempting to take her hand. All I could feel was cold air when I touched her. Mari's smile still remained. There were rope marks around her neck, and upon closer inspection, you could see where her bones were broken.

"Mari, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, I'm a-a horrible brother."

"I'm sorry, Sunny," she muttered. Her voice echoed around the empty graveyard. "But I can't forgive you. You ruined everything we worked towards, and I'm still really mad about that."

I swallowed a lump in my throat. "Is that why you're here? You're back to punish me for what I've done?"

"No, I-"

"WELL, I DESERVE IT!!" It all went silent again. I started to cry louder, my shoulders jerking upwards to match my violent sobs. A breeze picked up, and some leaves twirled in the wind. "GO ON, DO WHAT YOU'VE GOTTA DO! HAUNT ME! HURT ME! KILL ME!! WHATEVER YOU DO, I'VE EARNT IT. I'M A CRIMINAL. I KILLED YOU."

She hesitated a little before speaking up. "I may be unable to forgive you, but I refuse to hurt you. You're the one who's cared the most, even when I passed. And, I'm so sorry that I broke up the group. But, you're all back together now, and I think you can work things out."

"I d-don't deserve- I don't deserve your kindness."

"Everybody deserves kindness, even if they're the worst monster in the world. There's always at least one person or thing who makes their lives worth living."

"What's mine, then?" I asked her. "Sometimes... Sometimes I don't think there's anything at all."

"More people than you know love you. There's Kel, Aubrey, Hero, Basil... even your bandmates care."

"The only thing they care about is the money."

"You're so stubborn, little brother," she sighed, a hint of frustration in her voice. "Maybe if you try hard enough, you can open your eye to a better future. You can fix yourself, make life not miserable. Or, you can go back to White Space. Avoid those who hold meaning in your heart. You can change for the better, Sunny. You just need to be open to the things you can change, and let go of what you can't."

We both went quiet again. Ducking behind the stone, she pulled out the rusted blade I left behind years ago. The one I used to attack Basil and Aubrey. The one I used to chop my food. The one I used to fight the nightmares that plagued me. Dropping it on the grass in front of me, her face had fallen again to a small frown.

"It's your choice now what you do with yourself. I can't guide you anymore tonight. You can take one of two paths."

I held the knife's handle gently, looking back up at her. "...I love you."

"...I think I can learn to love you again."

With that, she fell apart into thousands of white petals that sunk into the ground.

I was left alone in an empty graveyard, a knife in my hands, crouching over my sister's grave. It wasn't the way I expected to end my week, but expect the unexpected. My mind was growing weary. I wanted so badly to see Mari again, although she had just left. The world felt empty without her.

Holding the blade, I thought over my options.

I could see her again right now.

Or, alternatively, I could try to be happy.

~~~

Choose wisely... this may impact what you may learn and the fates of some characters you know.

I have to see her again. (next chapter)

I'm going to try my best to make it without her. (skip the next chapter, and read the one after)