Many different feelings

Death is more

Death is more than one thing

It's losing loved ones, It's losing family, it's learning to be alone, it's learning everyday to pick yourself up and try moving past the dark clouds of death, it's watching family tear into each other, it's others going around thinking they know what happened behind closed doors, it's watching death slowly take not just your loved one away but a piece of your heart, that it doesn't quite beat as it once did before, it's the emptiness you feel in your heart that you believe will never be pieced together again, Death isn't just the bad but peace as well, Death has many ways of hold onto you .

Growing up, death was in my heart but my love can weigh it out. Being young I watched death slowly eat away at my mom. The pain and the tears the saying "I'm okay" when your child can see by the color in your face has changed. When bad days were here the blue tint of her lips like the sky because oxygen was a fight everyday. The worry of leaving because if something happened and you weren't there would haunt you. The realization that death is closer each day when the doctor delivered the news, "can't be cured ". The brave look on a mother's face that she puts on for her child, the laughs and cries and the it's going to be okay's have never left, the darkness of death keeps getting closer. It's when you call your granny crying because death is standing close, but a prayer of a true Christians faith on the phone prays another prayer for her daughter and her grandchildren cries on the phone because her mother is having a breathing spell, death is a dark cloud.

Thirteen years old a child half grown stands beside her mom as she fights harder and harder for breath. A move that might help her breathe, when you think things are starting to look better death is always close by. Fifteen, a daughter watch her moms life fade away. A daughter lost her mother because the battle was now over, she didn't lose but she won a forever in heaven .

A bond grew fast a granny and a grand daughter. The love had grew because being with one another they still had a piece that left with each other, a grandchild that had some of her mother in her to remind her granny, the grandmother with all the stories of her daughter, The Christan woman that prayed for her grandchildren, the losing of a pet that was close, the Grandmother praying that he wouldn't take something else because she lost so much already. The light that shines from her granny made her want to become a Christian like her that had the faith, the strength, the fearless to be who she needed to be. But death doesn't care what age, how much you lost, how hard you fight, how much love you still give it's there. The watching of how a granny speaks in heavenly tongues, the smile you so much have missed has returned, the happiness you once had is finally returning, the healing is almost complete thought it's not glass like it once was the plexiglass will do fine . A call that leaves you shaking your heart heavy saying she fell and now she's had a stroke, the tears, the knees hitting the floor, the praying has been sent, the good news comes after she is fine but her hand isn't the same, the bond is grown stronger. The long car rides home when she looks at you and says I'm ready to go home. The memories of losing, the telling her no comes In, the words granny I think we have gotten closer over the 5 years since moms death, a knife cuts your heart as the words come out "don't get close", death shows but denial is always there. The stress of family has taking over the days of not feeling well has now become a call to 911, the praying of please don't take her has now began, family's coming from every which way. A fighter you saw being taking away, Faith that you have watched has finally came when knowing a miracle is in the making the call, "She isn't going to make it"has been said, the racing of hearts, the driving fast all become real. Arriving things aren't over even though death isn't far behind. A faithful woman squeezes her crying daughters hand, miracles in the making. Life changes a man not believing now might be believing, sleepless nights, stress, updates that aren't the best but are better in ways, a new call has happened death isn't just the person when your aunt calls and tells you news that only a few can say goodbye, packing of bags that were on standby were now being used, traveling with a cousin to watch the sight no one should have to. Arriving praying that's it's Gods will but knowing his promise he made to you, hearing a song that you still listen to that uplifts you while death is still knocking. Hearing the woman you love and looking up to fighting to stay praying that a simple swollow will fix it all. While trying to be brave, the news that we hoped wouldn't happen has been confirmed. the decision we all came together and made had been the correct. The stroke has left her paralyzed in her throat and left a faithful Christian woman discouraged . As her daughter cries she shakes her finger and mouth the word "no", as they tell her it's okay to go, she mouths I love you and looks at her granddaughter. She has lost a lot, the look in her eyes tells you she doesn't want to leave you. But the realization that she has to be another to leave you behind, as the faithful woman listened to her gospel music even while death is still fighting for her, she raised her hands to worship. News that isn't good continues. No sleep, stress, realization kicking in, faith taking damage, feelings are fading, when the nurse comes in and hospice is now coming in, the anger has now been directed, but realizing being angry at God wasn't the answer, coming home to sleepless nights, stress, love of others, but death has its ways. Slowly taking her away watching it happen, seeing the pain in others. Death tries but one night a granddaughter once again tells her granny goodbye that she's will be okay and that she has to let go, a promise has been made , her last I love you and for her to go see her daughter again and her husband and a kiss goodbye. Death isn't always bad, but a reunion of loved ones. A knock on the door knowing you just said what need to be said, Death once again taken another, Death has different ways of hurting others around us, turning us against each other, stealing, pain, empty once again, thoughts and questions. Wondering if a daughter had to do for her mother while others were fighting. Death has once again taking away the joy has been frozen a smile that is fake has been placed, hiding pain has become normal while others show it, Death hurt a young Christian fighting in the world. Death had taken her mentor, her helper has been taken, not knowing had set in .Death can be more than pain when a flower dies new comes again. Pain will come and pain will stay, but love death cannot take away.