Underside of the Underworld

Ch37. Sorry.

Veronica

Turns out that us three needed way more hospital time than we all thought because at one point in the night we were all in the medical rooms fixing our wounds. Again.

I woke up super stiff and couldn't move. It hurt so bad I thought I was going to die. Like all of my body was being pushed down with a force that wouldn't go away.

We all asked to be put together in the big room so we could talk when we wanted. Everyone let us and left us alone after that.

I haven't seen the boy's dads in a while so I wonder if they left or are staying in different rooms in the house. If I'm being honest they kind of give me a weird vibe.

Now I don't want to judge with out knowing them but from the reactions Ceb and Lucas had I don't think they are nice guys. I mean I know some of what happend with Lucas but not really Caleb.

It's been around 24 hours since we have been saved and I've been on edge this whole time. Everything was to easy. From how Jaxon found us and taking us. Then Carlos having help finding us so easy to then killing Jaxon and getting away.

To easy. I mean we killed the Russian's Mafia leader. Why didn't we capture him? I don't know but if I were in that situation I would have killed him too. If we would have taken him the second in command would order all to find him and we wouldn't have a fair fight.

Then again when has anything been fair?

Right now I'm working on school online and Caleb is just on his phone while Lucas still sleeps. Every time I saw him he was either awake or knocked out so in theory he didn't sleep at all. Not to mention he was drugged. He got hit pretty hard with all this.

I've decided so finish school online and be done with it. Managing school and work at the same time didn't work out good anyway I'm sure I've missed more days than I've gone.

Though I could go back soon if I wanted. I've fought with my self about this and I don't think I want to be in the work part of the Mafia anymore.

Everything I do goes to shit and I'm tiered of it. I've already been kidnapped three times in my life because of it. My life has been in danger many, many times.

I don't want to die. There was a point when I was fifteen or sixteen where I didn't give a shit and it almost killed me. Now that I'm older I've thought and thought on it.

Thought more about it when I was in danger. I would think about  how I still have my life ahead of me and that I do some day want to have kids and a family.

But when I over thought I would think about how I don't want to bring kids into this way of life. Yea I could keep them out but once they turn 18 it could go down hill.

Plus if they only know about it they will still get hurt. I mean look at Jayden. She chose to stay out of it and she still gets hurt.

The mafia is so cruel and I wouldn't want to bring kids into the world knowing they would be hurt or killed either way. I mean I could run away like mom did.

I wouldn't want to see how much hurt I would put on people though. I mean dad got his first daughter back, Cole and Damien got their first sister back. Hell Ceb and Lucas got a new friend. Jayden got an older sister.

Then again I have time. I don't want kids till im at least 25 or 27. I don't know what to think anymore.

90 percent says leave the mafia work to the guys and stay out like Jayden. And the other 10 percent is saying do it, bitch up and prove your not a weak shit.

I'm not weak. I am strong a normal person couldn't have gone through what I have. They would have probably died long ago.

I hate the fact that nothing goes my way. That sounds childish and stupid but nothing does. Same for everyone else. Jaxon has had his tricks for months. Years to everyone else.

We have been enemies for years. I'm just now knowing and learning. I can tell we are failing and I can see I'm not the only one thinking that.

Dad is losing his mind on this and it's affecting his work. I know he didn't want me involved in this at all in the first place. Now I bet he's thinking that I've messed things us and I am now just getting people hurt and killed.

I mean I am. I keep dragging Lucas into these things. Ever since Leah. I mean I've gotten Damien hurt from the truck explosion. Caleb from this previous event, it's going down hill. All because of me.

I sit up straighter fists clenched and mind blank. Out of the corner of my eye I see Caleb turn off is phone and look at me weird. "Veronica? What's wrong." He asks me and I keep looking forward.

I get out of bed and stand. My body protest but I ignore it. "I'm sorry." Is all I say before I walk out and make my way to my room. I hear him call after me but I keep walking.

You'll see. Just wait.

Caleb

I see Veronica sit up and stare at the wall infront of her. What is she doing? "Veronica?? What's wrong?" I ask her. She stands up and I can see the struggle as she does.

She then looks at me and says, "I'm sorry." And then walks out. "Hey! Roni!" I yell after her but she dosent come back.

What the hell was that. 'I'm sorry'? What does she mean by that.. she hasn't done anything wrong. "Lucas.. Lucas wake up." I say moving his shoulder.

Groaning he wakes up and sits up in his bed. "What?" He says rubbing his face.

"Veronica just got up said 'I'm sorry' and walked out with out a word." I say confused and he stops what he's doing and looks at me. "She said 'I'm sorry'?" He asks and I nod my head.

"Shit. She's blaming her self again." He says getting up and holding his side. "No you need rest get ur ass back in bed." I say pointing at him.

"Fuck rest. I need to help her or she's going to go insane." He says putting a shirt on and leaving the room. Oh my fucking gosh.

Sighing and take out my phone and call Cole.

"Hey so Veronica and Lucas are no longer in here with me. They left." I say leaning back.

"Ok ill see what they are doing." He sighs and hangs up.

I put a hand to the bandage on my head and close my eye. When Jaxon basically carved my eye and face it hurt so fucking bad.

I'm so pissed about it. I dont even think I'll be able to see out of it anymore. I'm so done with this shit. To add on top of it all. Dad is here. Give me a fucking break.

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Sorry it's been a while. School's started and having practice and taking up my time and I'm pretty stumped on this soo I'll try and be better sorry.
-M