Housemates (Keisuke Baji x Reader)

- Chifufu -

If you and Keisuke Baji have one thing in common, that is your affection for Chifuyu.

“Shut up you, sore loser. Chifufu is my best friend.”

“Unhand my vice commander. Now.”

Yeah, both of you love him a bit too much and both of you are ready to throw each other to Marianas trench if worse come to worst. You just love the blonde boy dearly.

And to prove your love for the poor boy, the two of you are currently in front of your apartment building, having a yelling match with no signs of ending unless either of your lungs fail. Please, the neighbors are so used to this that they merely sighed and searched for cotton to stuff their ears.

“HAH?! CHIFUYU AND I ARE LITERALLY BEST FRIENDS. WE LITERALLY SHARE YAKISOBAS.” In the blue corner, Keisuke Baji who dropped the Yakisoba card.

“HAH?! I'M CHIFUFU'S BEST BUD. BITCH, EVEN HIS CAT LIKES ME BETTER THAN YOU!” And a rebuttal from L/n Y/n in the red corner, who slammed the Peke J card on the table.

“THAT'S BECAUSE YOU INTRODUCED A PRETTY CAT TO PEKE J!” Keisuke complained in annoyance as he remember how you played matchmaker for Chifuyu's cat. He then proceeded to goad, “I LITERALLY SAVED CHIFUYU BEFORE. TELL ME WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR HIM?”

“Well, I can marry him. Can you?”

“Then I can too——” The delinquent was about to say the same thing when realization dawned which made his forehead wrinkle. With knitted eyebrows, he glared at your sassy posture of flexed nails and foot that one's step further from another. “HAH?! THE FUCK YOU SAID?”

“I said I can marry him.” You repeated nonchalantly which truly irked the boy. And as if that's not enough, you grabbed Chifuyu's collar, who was stupefied by the turn of events, and made preparations for a grand exit. He's been there all along. Just not obvious since you and Baji are too busy creating some tension and annoying each other. “Come on, Chifufu. Let's buy rings and maybe some balloons too.”

The balloon is for the wedding reception, y'all.

If Chifuyu have a choice, he doesn't want any involvement in this charade. But apparently he don't have a choice seeing how tight you are grabbing his collar and dragging him to Papa Smurf knows where.

The tiny hair on the blonde's nape raised instinctively as he felt a cold gust of wind blew, not to mention the sharp imaginary icy daggers that seems to pierce him.

“Y-Y-Y/n-san I don't think that's a good idea.” Chifuyu stuttered once he looked over his shoulders to see the source of the sudden drop in temperature. “Baji-san is——”

“Oh! Auntie!” Your words cut off Chifuyu as you suddenly dragged him with you and bowed to Baji's mother as a greeting. Chifuyu instinctively did the same albeit stiffly.

Keisuke's mom smiled at the both of you, happy that such polite kids are friends with his troublesome son. But when she saw the close proximity between you and Chifuyu, and the hand holding his collar, the older lady can't help but raise her eyebrow. “Ahem, Matsuno-kun. Please keep your distance. That's my future in-law.”

“Aww~ Mother-in-law you're so cruel.” You chuckled but released Matsuno nonetheless. Chifuyu breathed a sigh of relief as he's finally free from your clutches. Who knows what in the green aliens’ name you'll do if you managed to dragged him. He'll not only end up in hell. He'll end up as a firewood there since you're one hell of a devil.

You had a small talk with your dear neighbor's mother who is always delighted with your antics. One may mistake you as mother and child by the way you talk and smile at each other. Baji can't help but roll his eyes. Unsure if he's jealous because you're closer than him to his mom or if he's jealous because you're more interested in his mom than him. Either way, your little chit-chat with his mom ended and she sent a glance at the three of you's direction. “Make it work, hm?” She said referring to your fight for Chifuyu before bidding goodbye to buy groceries.

As Keisuke's mother left, the electrifying tension returned. Your glaring match with Baji resumed.

“It's time we settle this one and for all.” Baji said aggressively, as if he's talking to an enemy of Toman.

You nodded. “I agree.”

“Since we both want Chifuyu...”

“And neither of us will let go...”

“Why not..., ” you both prolonged, dumbness shimmering in your eyes, “just split him into two?”

Chifuyu, who was caught earlier by Baji, saw his ancestors waving at him from the clouds above. He can see his soul leaving his mortal body and his life flashing before his eyes. Did he already fed his cat? He should at least feed his cat before being divided into two like in a circus.

The blonde shook his head and refused to accept his fate. “Y/N-SAN AND BAJI-KUN! PLEASE STOP KIDDING!”

You and the dumbass both look at him.

“Why not? It's a good idea, Chifufu. We're good kids who know how to share.” You stated, utter confusion in your eyes.

That's when Chifuyu realized that you're not kidding. And he want to cry. Lord, forgive me, why give them to me as friends? “Please anything but that! Just make a new me or something!”

Chifuyu didn't realized that time the weight of his words on yours and Baji's brain that lacks wrinkles. Your brains are so smooth that you took the guy's words seriously and slid to the most rational solution.

“Make a new Chifuyu?” Baji asked curiously, doing maths in his head.

“I don't see why not?” You stated after a moment of contemplation, hands on your hips as you turned to Keisuke for his opinion.

“I agree. We just need to make two new Chifuyus.”

You nodded at Baji's statement.

“And to do that let's fuck!” Was your shameless suggestion that made some passerby's head turn. You're still in the middle of the road and doing dumb silly things. “Let's have two sons and name them after Chifuyu.”

“We're basically adults anyway.”

You nodded, proud that Keisuke still know how to count since he counted the right years of his age. Taking the boy's hand, you grinned cheekily and started to march. “C'mon now you dimwit. Let's go home and get to business.”

“Should we make twins so our Chifuyus would be the same age?” Baji Keisuke asked who didn't resisted you.

“That's not a bad idea!”

“But what if they turned out to be a daughter?”

“Then a girl Chifuyu, I guess?”

And the two airheads left the original Chifuyu in the middle of the street with a lagging brain who can't comprehend what in the cashew nuts just happened. He can't say whether this turned out for better or for worse. Or whether the two of you are kidding or not. Should he chase you guys and tell you to wear protection? But that will probably hinder your dumbass plans.

But maybe it's all fine, Chifuyu thought and shrugged his lean shoulders, his two best friends are getting along and he won't be split into two.