I'll Look After You

Chapter 13

To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
-

Derek watched as Alex got off of the table and walked past him, giving him a deadly glare. Derek held his head up proudly, not even letting the fact that Alex beat him to a bloody pulp get in the way. He needed to be strong and keep his ground in order to fix things between him and Meredith. He waited until Alex closed the door before looking at Meredith once again. His heart skipped a beat, seeing that she was staring at him.

"What do you want?" she simply asked.

"An explanation. For everything," he told her. "Especially this." He gripped her transferal papers tighter and his fists squeezed her rings closer.

"Just sign them, get this over with," she told him. "I need to move on, Derek. Let me move one."

"You can't do this, Meredith, you can't run away from this! You can't run away from us!" Derek waved her transferal papers furiously in front of her. "You can't do this!"

"Who gave you the right to say that to me, Derek? You were the one who abandoned me in the first place!" she retaliated.

"I did not abandon you, Meredith. You ran! You're running away! You're the one who's not giving us the chance."

"I gave us a chance, Derek. For months... I tried to... I tried to..." she searched for words to say, she seemed to have gotten lost because she stopped and she just stared at him for the longest time. Then she said something Derek knew was the truth. "You were the one who made me feel like a stranger every time I walked into a room with the two of you in it."

"Mer..."

"You were supposed to love me, Derek," she spoke weakly but her eyes spoke volumes.

He stepped closer. "But I do love you. I do."

"You were supposed to love me more than anyone else..." she finished. "I gave you everything, Derek. Everything," she emphasized the word. She did give him everything. Happiness. Understanding. Love. Forgiveness. He knew that. "And all I asked you was for you to love me completely."

"I love you, Mer. I love you," he told her again. "Addie... She's gone. She walked away."

She looked at him and shook her head slowly. "I wanted you to walk away from her, Derek. I wanted you to come to me freely. I wanted you... I wanted you, Derek... I wanted you."

Derek looked at her, she looked broken. She's been through a lot, Derek knew that, but he hasn't seen her like this ever. And it hurt him that he was the reason for this pain that she was going through. He promised her... He promised her everything... He closed the small steps between them and took her into his arms.

"Derek, let me go!" she started to pound her little fists into his chest, hitting everything that she could hit but he held on. He held on to her, determined not to let go. To never let go. "Let me go!"

"No, Meredith, no," he kept his hold on her. He wanted her to feel that he was there. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He chanted in a whisper. "I'm sorry for everything. Please don't make me let you go." he whispered to her as he clutched to her for dear life. "Please don't make me let you go..."

"Derek! You're hurting me!" she shouted at him.

That made him let go. It hurt him to hear it coming out of her mouth. All he wanted was to give her love... But for some reason, all he has ever given her was pain. They stared at each other, tears streaming down her cheeks, unshed tears threatening his. He looked down on the rings that he was holding to. He wanted to give it to her, he wanted her to accept them and for it to be a sign that they were alright again. But he knew that if he gave it to her right now and if she accepted them, it won't mean what he wanted it to mean... So he chose not to give it to her. He'll have another chance once she accepts him again... Once he made things right again...

He looked back at her, noticing that she has already wiped away her tears. They stood a foot apart but he felt like they stood miles apart. "Mer..."

Christina opened the door wide open, her eyes went from her to Derek in a second and then back at her again. "Meredith! Get your butt down in ER, they just brought McGorgeous in! He's been shot!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.