I'll Look After You

Chapter 17

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Derek drowned his self in paper work for the two hours that the doctors worked on Meredith. He tried everything to get his mind off of her but everything else failed.

He tried to wait in the hallway, sitting on the cold tile, hoping that it'll help him numb the pain that was currently pulsating his whole body. He sat there for five whole minutes. Five whole minutes of thoughts running through his mind. Negative thoughts. And all he wanted to do was bang his head on the wall to stop himself from thinking.

He tried to wait in the waiting room with all the other patient's families. But the eerie silence wanted him to shout out in rage.

So he settled for doing his job. He didn't care that his hand was shaking so badly that his signatures looked liked they were forged. Badly. He didn't care that he probably approved a lot of requests that should not have been approved. And he didn't care that the papers he was holding had droplets of his tears all over.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek rubbed his eyes, trying to wipe away any tears, before finally looking up.

"Dr. Stevens told me to come get you," the nurse spoke in a quiet voice.

"D-did she..." He stopped himself and shook his head. "No. Don't tell me."

The nurse meekly nodded and left him in his office.

After a few seconds, he stood up and walked to the OR rooms.

"Derek," Izzie Stevens approached him. He looked behind her and saw George leaning on the wall, staring at something. He turned to Izzie and saw her tear-stricken face.

"Just tell me, Izzie," he immediately spoke, not wanting to hear any dilly dally. "Did she make it?"

"Dude, where the fuck is Yang!? This is not the time to go missing!" Alex Karev stalked out of from nowhere and stood beside Izzie.

"What? No!" Izzie shook her head, looking at him and completely forgetting about Derek's question. "She left when Meredi..." she trailed off, her eyes going to Derek. "Did you try to call her?" Izzie rambled. "And page her?"

"She disappeared, Iz! She just fucking disappeared!" Alex spoke angrily. "And could someone go check up on Layton? He's like in shock or something. He's not moving, he's just staring at the wall. And the dude punched the wall and his hand's bleeding. He wouldn't let a nurse go look at it. I think he even fucking growled at one."

"Izzie, where the hell is Christina!?" George suddenly shouted from his place.

"Dr. Stevens! Tell me what happened!" Derek cut in.

"Stop! Just stop!" Izzie shouted at them all. "I don't know what to fucking do! So just shut up! I-I can't do this, okay!? I-I..." She suddenly looked at all three of them. "Oh god..."

"Izzie..."

"I-I... W-we need to..." Izzie breathed in and out, taking slow steps backwards away from them. "W-we need to contact the florist... And the funeral parlor... And call her family... Does she even have any family?"

Derek heard the word funeral and everything else went blank. He felt cold. Chilly. He stepped backwards and didn't stop until he felt he was far enough for everything to disappear. But it didn't.

"Fucking great," Alex muttered, looking at him. "IS there no one in their right mind!? We're supposed to be doctors! We're supposed to be good when we're faced with a crisis like this!" Alex glared at Izzie who was seated on the ground, muttering to herself, George who was leaning on the wall, shedding silent tears, and at Derek who was standing in the middle of the hallway, seemingly frozen. "Damnit! You guys are fucking pathetic."

"She's gone, Alex," George whispered. "She's gone..."

"No, no," Derek muttered. "This can't be. It's wrong. She's not gone. She's not."

He ran towards the OR room.

"Dude," Alex stopped him. "They already wheeled her downstairs. She's gone. She's gone."

"No," Derek shook his head. "No. No. NO!"

"Derek! Derek! DEREK!"

He opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was the roof of his trailer. His mind took time to register what was happening. How the hell did he get here?

"Derek? Are you alright?"

Derek's heart stopped beating as he heard a voice he thought he'd never hear ever again.

"M-meredith?" he stammered, looking to his side and seeing her looking at him with concern.

"Derek, did you have a bad dream?" she asked.

"I-it was all a dream, oh god, it was all a dream," he murmured as he ran his hands through his hair. He reached over and ran his hand against her cheek. "It was a dream. Everything was a dream."

"Would you like to talk about it?" she looked calm.

"No, no," he shook his head. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "It was all just a dream and that's all that matters."

"But it's not a dream at all, Der."

"What?" Derek opened his eyes and looked at her.

"I'll miss you, Derek," she softly said. "I'll miss you so much."

"Meredith? Meredith! No!" he can't reach her anymore. "No!"

"Dr. Shepherd? Dr. Shepherd!"

Someone nudged Derek. Hard. He was pulled from his dream or was it his dream in his dream. He rubbed his eyes, trying to wipe away any tears, before finally looking up.

"Dr. Stevens told me to come get you," the nurse spoke in a quiet voice.

"D-did she..." He stopped himself and shook his head. "No. Don't tell me."

The nurse meekly nodded and left him in his office.

After a few seconds, he stood up and walked to the OR rooms.

"Derek," Izzie Stevens approached him. He looked behind her and saw George leaning on the wall, staring at something. He turned to Izzie and saw her tear-stricken face.

"Just tell me, Izzie," he immediately spoke, not wanting to hear any dilly dally. "Did she make it?"

"Dude, where the fuck is Yang!? This is not the time to go missing!" Alex Karev stalked out of from nowhere and stood beside Izzie.

This was what exactly happened in his dream. He shook his head in denial.

"No, no," he muttered, stepping back. Away from everything. Away from them.

"Derek? Where are you going?" Izzie noticed him.

"I-I..." He continued on backing away.

"Derek!" Izzie called out. "Don't you want to see her?"

See her?

"She's in recovery right now," Izzie informed him.

"S-she's okay? S-she's alive?" Derek stammered as he stopped walking and looked at Izzie.

Izzie nodded but there was still no joy in his eyes. "She made it through, Derek.

She's alive. Derek's dream was not becoming reality. She's alive.

"But she's in a coma."
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