Ephemera- Of Fire and Ash

Reunion

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They arrived right outside the small dharmashala they were living in..

"I don't think I am ready bheem, you go ahead." Yudhi said..

"Oh, come on jyesth! You came all the way here now don't go back.."

Yudhi just nodded as he stepped in, arjun, nakul and sahadev were teasing each other while kunti was outside the hut cooking..

While bheem went ahead and sat with arjun, nakul and sahadev, yudhi froze at the entrance. It was too much for him to take in..

'I feel too much. That's what's going on.' 'Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel in the wrong ways?' 'My insides don't match up with my outsides.' 'Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?' 'I don't know. I'm only me.' 'Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.' 'But it's worse for me.' 'I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him.' 'Probably. But it really is worse for me.' Yudhi thought filled with questions...

"Jyesth.. join us.." bheem said bringing yudhi out of his reverie.

Arjun, nakul and sahadev looked back.. It could not be, it just can't.. They looked at him from bottom to top and then at bheem who answered their unasked question by nodding his head in a yes. They could not find their words, maybe they needed to find guru drona to teach them more words..Yudhi decided to start the conversation..

"You all survived varnavrat.." he said with a whisper..

They knew this voice, the same voice who comforted them when broken, the same voice which scolded them when they did wrong...

"Jyesth.." they started...

"Don't you want to come in, are you hungry? Wait I will cook something real quick...Bhrata bheem help me, nakul get the ingredients, sahadev quickly get firewood.." arjun ordered in a hurry and excused himself without even letting yudhi reply no..

They 4 left leaving yudhi alone.. and yudhi thought had they really lost it? First, he is not a guest, he hated being treated that way. Secondly, should he look for a good mental asylum for them, oh wait! There was a really good one nearby, should he go and get his brothers admitted there? It was not pretty far and he could talk to the owner till they returned with their pyscho ways of treating him as a guest.

Thinking this he left the hut and ran in with sahadev as the wood from his hand fell on the ground.

"Oh, I am so sorry, I will pick it up.." yudhi mumbled a whirl of apologies and bent down to pick it up but before he could sahadev quickly collected it up looking everywhere but at yudhi. His brothers seriously lost it..

"Where were you going? Are you angry? Oh, I am so sorry, I forgot we needed to give you water first. Shit sahadev, mata taught you atithi devo bhava." He mumbled the last part to himself..

"Seriously sahadev? Have you lost it? I am going to the mental asylum nearby, to talk with the owner and get you 4 admitted. You guys have seriously lost it anujo.." yudhi said with a bored look. He hated being referred as atithi by his own brothers..

While being referred to anuj was music to sahadev's ears. He could not believe it, his jyesth actually accepted them....

''That fateful day, it ruined everything, I should have never doubted you. I know you look happier without me in your life, since I broke your heart, but I want you to know that you are my everything, and losing you is something I cannot allow myself to go through. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get you back. Please forgive me. Anger ... it's a paralyzing emotion ... you can't get anything done. People sort of think it's an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling — I don't think it's any of that — it's helpless ... it's absence of control — and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers ... and anger doesn't provide any of that — I have no use for it whatsoever. I failed to think anything else that day, I was blinded.. I did not want to hurt you so much.." Sahadev started..