lover's moon ★ robert plant imagines

xx. that's the way

"and yesterday i saw you kissing tiny flowers"

i shield my eyes from the sun: my hand raised to the sky as i lounge outside the restaurant. i'm waiting for you with warm, water-speckled skin. i'm air-drying from my midday swim. on the table sits my empty plate where a sandwich once was. the little dish of tiramisu is gone and wasted. only a dusting of espresso powder and a smear of chocolate leave any trace.  

people pass me by in their bathing suits; children drag pool toys behind them on the patio. the loneliness brings you to my mind. i'm not supposed to be here, taking the gifts of good booze and blow and music at the expense of your home life and the people you really love, but this is nothing and everything all at once. being with you for a few shows is the taste i need. and the one i'll long for after it's gone.

i count the pages i have left of my book. i'm reading of sitting bull. i tell you about him when i get the chance during our lunches and midnight talks. you trade me stories about king arthur and the classes you've been thinking of taking at the university. i like you best hunched over books, humming to yourself and pausing our silence to give a history lesson. 

i watch the people in the pool. there's a mother on a lounge chair. her daughter treads water and tries for her attention.

brothers play-fight, pushing each other under the surface until they tire out. they remind me of you and the band — bonzo pulling your swimming trunks down as you tried to escape his attacks. i snicker to myself. the sun warms me tiredly.

any much longer and i'll fall asleep.

it's then i see you come from the lobby in a swell of colors, walking out of the sun. you find me immediately and give me that smirk that turns me soft.

when you reach my table, you pull your sunglasses from your face and sit down across from me. you say my name like a song.

"i was just thinking of you," i tell you.

you rest your elbows on the table and lean towards me. "good things?"

"always good things."

your smile settles. "you went swimming?"

"earlier. the water's perfect. how was rehearsal?"

"well and all. we have a lot we didn't use last time. we're cycling through." you reach for me across the table and i keen to your touch. "you're lovely."

"so are you."

you chuckle and gesture me closer to kiss my lips. you smell and taste like honey. i want to run my hands under your shirt.

we part and you cast your eyes down to the table.

"i'll have to leave you . . ."

the words come so suddenly from your mouth. my stomach turns, a heavy pit somewhere in the center of it.

"when?"

"at the end of the month. we fly back home."

"right."

"but we'll still have all this time to share."

"but it'll end." my whine surprises me. i pick at the cotton towel beneath me in an effort to calm myself.

"so does everything, love. i'll see you again, when we come back."

"no, you won't." i'm starting to retreat into myself. the weather suddenly feels too hot, the day too bright. i'd like to curl into a ball.

"aww, don't be like that," you sigh and shake your head.

the knot in my throat twists and i feel tears start at the corners of my eyes.

you mumble something in pity. "i'm sorry. i didn't think this would be so difficult for you."

"well, it is, robert!" it all hits me now, your unbothered pose across from me and the tension drawn like a bowstring. there's only a week and a half left until the tour is over.

you're silent until your voice raises just above a whisper. "what do you want to do?"

"i don't know. i feel stupid." i wipe my eyes with the heels of my hands. "i'm going back to the room."

you start to stand but i raise my palm.

"i want to be alone."

it's the least you can offer me. your smile drops. somehow, i chose to believe this conversation wouldn't come.

the hotel lobby chills me instantly. i punish myself with the cool concrete stairs. two kids race each other going the other way. i take my key from my bag to unlock the door.

the room's a mess. bonzo's forgotten jacket still rests over the sofa. the cream-colored nightie you bought me is scrunched in a pile by the bed, the matching underwear not far behind.

what do you want to do? your words prod at my mind. i want to stay with you forever, share your bed always.

i crawl to your spot on the mattress and curl into the imprint you've left. i do it often when you've left for some task and i'm alone, too nervous to be with anyone but you.

the door to the suite opens and closes and i hear your footsteps return.

you say my name. i stay silent. "you're on my mind on the constant. you make all this work worth it. we still have lots of time together. please don't be upset."

"how can i not be?" i ask the pillow.

"because it's not over just yet. let me spoil you this week . . ."

"i shouldn't have let myself get so attached."

"you don't mean that."

i don't.

"i want you to be mine," i say, turning over, "but that's selfish of me. you're already everyone else's."

"no, i'm yours." you come closer to me, grabbing me. "i'm yours even when i'm not with you." you reach for my face. "tell me you'll stay. and that you'll wait for me."

your expression is all soft edges. the grey-blue of your eyes is clear and vivid in the silence of your want.

"i'll stay," i say. "i'll wait."

(i would stay too tbh. he'd have my whole heart. but well, i think i've done what i wanted to do with this book. it's been helpful for me. thank you for reading!)