When you're broken, lost and got nothing left to lose... you become bulletproof.
Trying to fix your life back together after having it shaken upside down isn't easy. Getting used to normal when you feel like an outcast in your own skin, isn't easy...
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Song: Could have been me - The Struts
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D E C E M B E R
Staring at Riley Jackson was like entering a time warp. One second I could be wondering is his hazel eyes were more green or more brown and next thing I knew an hour had passed.
Watching him was just that idiotically fascinating. Watching his lips twitched in concentration as he writes another long essay or when he fell asleep since he wasn't suffering on and off insomnia like myself... Or now, neatly folding his clothes to stuff them in her luggage. He would be leaving to spend the Christmas break in Toronto and next semester, he would be gone for Berlin.
Berlin.
And I could just watch, sitting in Brandon's bed as he packed his stuff. Not like there was much else to do, everyone important had already left. Eli was gone since the last exam had been summoned and Hailey had left the day before, excited because she was introducing Marco to her family. So I was left with Riley and not that eager to head home as well.
So I just stared at him work. Fascinated by how his brown hair looked almost messy, but all in place. Or how his arms flex with each movement and how he looked pleased each time he finished one drawer.
And I took notice of each detail.
I was becoming one of those creepy-cliche-mesmerized girlfriends I mocked my whole life.
What the fuck?
How?
When?
How wasn't I hating it?
But most important, how is he okay with me being pregnant by someone else?
Well, at first he was shocked. But then again, so was I.
Pregnant.
Weren't my chances lower than 10 percent? The doctor had made sure to print that idea in my head. I had mourned the lost of children I never wanted and couldn't expect... and now I was pregnant?
After everything that went down three years ago and before, my period became an irregular thing, so if one month it didn't appear I'd learn to stop freaking out at each fright. But three months? Had I been so overwhelmed with everything else that I hadn't noticed three months of delay?
