Ace of Hearts - All We Are Series [NaNoWriMo 2014] [#JustWriteIt]

Chapter Twenty Nine [Edited]

I gave what Sheila had said a lot of thought. How can I balance things out with Daniel? Though I didn’t want to have sex all the time, I could compromise to have sex every once and a while for him.

‘Does he mean enough to me that I would sacrifice this for him?’ I asked myself. ‘It’s not like I have a huge moral objection to it; I just don’t want to. How much does Daniel mean to me?’

The answer was a lot. I could see Daniel and myself marrying and growing old together. He was the one I wanted to spend my life with.

With that in mind, I decided that Daniel and I needed to have a talk. Again.

“Hey Daniel. Are you free sometime this weekend? Want to come over?” I texted him.

“Sure! Maybe on Sat, Sept 17th?” He responded.

“Works for me. We can hang out at my place,” I told him.

“Sounds good. Just text me when you’re free. I’m free the whole day.”

“I’m going to yoga with Sheila in the morning, so sometime in the early afternoon?”

“Okay cool.”

Friday night, I was a wreck. I cleaned my apartment. I wanted it spotless so that Daniel wouldn’t find some small reason to leave me. Cleaning also helped me think and organize my thoughts. As I was scrubbing dishes, I thought about everything good we had done. As I was doing laundry, I remembered everything I might’ve done wrong, and stressed that Daniel would see having to compromise as the last straw. As I dusted the counter tops, yes I actually dusted, I reminded myself that Daniel had compromised so far; so, what’s to say he wouldn’t compromise now?

‘Yes,’ I thought to myself reassuringly. ‘Daniel will stay with me. He will compromise. Everything will be alright. He likes me, and I like him. Anaya, stop psyching yourself out.’

Shelly and I went to yoga on Saturday morning, but I didn’t find it particularly relaxing. All Shelly asked me about was if I had talked to Daniel yet. I told her I was talking to him tonight, and she just responded, “Good.”

I didn’t know what to think. In my head, I tried to come up with a list of what I wanted to do and didn’t want to do, but it was difficult as I was pretty inexperienced. I wanted to have some idea of how early I would have sex and how often I would be willing to do it in the future, but I just had no idea. Besides, wouldn’t that just change as time went on? How was I supposed to predict my future? I wasn’t a fortune teller, not that I believed in those to begin with.

I arrived back in my apartment a little stressed out, so I took a quick shower and tried to relax. I stood under the warm water, feeling it pound into my back, but it wasn’t particularly relaxing. Luckily Olivia wasn’t home to yell at me for hogging the bathroom. Resigning myself to my fate, I stepped out of the shower and texted Daniel to come on over if he was free.

A few minutes later, he was at my door, and we were watching Disney movies on the television. I wasn’t really paying attention, though.

After missing the third joke in a row, Daniel paused the movie.

“Naya, is everything alright?”

I hesitated. “I’m okay, but we should talk.”

“Okay, shoot,” he said, turning his body to face mine.

“Well, we’ve been dating a year now, and I’m sure you have… needs. What exactly are those needs?”

Daniel looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“Well, because, you know, I’m asexual, and you’re not,” I trailed off at the end.

“Oh, those needs.”

“Yeah,” I fidgeted awkwardly.

“Well, okay. What are your thoughts on this? We haven’t really done much yet.”

“No we haven’t. Do you want to?”

“I mean, eventually, but I’m okay with waiting for you.”

“Right, so you do want to.”

“Yeah, I guess. What’s the meaning of all this? Do you want to have sex or something?”

“Not right now, but…”

“But what?”

“I-don’t-want-to-hold-you-back,” I said quickly, my words all jumbled together. Daniel’s brows creased as he tried to decipher it.

“Anaya, you’re not holding me back. I don’t mind. But why don’t we try to create a timeline so you feel a little bit more comfortable?”

“Okay,” I said.

“Obviously the timeline will change in the future, but we’ll use it for now so that we both have an idea of where the relationship is going.”

“Right. Okay.”

“So, do you have any timeline ideas with when you want to do stuff, other than to take it slow?”

“Not really.”

“Well, is there anything you’re really against doing?”

“I mean, it’s not really- I don’t really know,” I blushed deeply. It was so awkward trying to talk about this.

“Okay, how about this: we’ll set a general idea of when you would be okay with having sex, and we’ll move it up or down as necessary.”

“Okay.”

“So, do you have any ideas?”

“I guess in a few months? I don’t really know when people normally do these things.”

“Some people do them early, some do it later. Obviously we’re part of the latter category. Would you be comfortable doing it now?”

“Not really.”

“In a year from now?”

“Yeah, I don’t want to hold you back for that long. When do you want to do it?”

“I’m okay with whenever. I’m good with now, I’m good with a year from now.”

“When would you ideally want to?”

“Maybe in a few months? I don’t really have a timeline.”

“Okay, so how about three or four months from now?” I suggested assertively.

Daniel shrugged. “Works for me.”

“Okay,” I said, relieved.

“See, that wasn’t so bad, now was it?” Daniel asked teasingly.

“Shut up,” I tried to glare at him but failed miserably by giggling halfway through.

“Now, let’s watch more of the movie. Come here,” Daniel gestured, taking me in his arms. We cuddled and watched the movie, and I laughed at every joke there was.