Me: WE ARE IGNORING THE FACT THAT IT IS ALREADY FEBRUARY 2022
Draco: dumb question but are you okay
Me: Specifically or just in general? because ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*No*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
BUT anyways today our next victim issssssssssss
THE ONE AND ONLY 👏SEVERUS👏TOBIAS👏SNAPE👏
Snape: éXCUSÉ?
Me: TO BE FAIR you deserve it you're a major dick
Fred: *whispering to George* not the only major dick around here
Me: sIR? wHAT?
Harry: I mean he's not wrong
Draco: How- what- Potter how exactly do you know that- wait don't answer I don't want to know
George: No you definitely do not but someone *glares in my direction* will make a whole chapter about it won't they?
Me: I wasn't going to BUT now that you said it I'm going to do it just to piss you off.
ANYWAYS GreaseFace Mcdickhead Magee over there *points at snape* mentioned a lil crush he has BUT before he could ruin it I cut him off and the wackos (affectionate) that find this book entertaining have suggested several possibilities ranging from *checks list* Harry styles? uh, wrong fandom but valid- all the way to uh *checks list again* Hagrid- Uhm ok valid but uh yah we're just gonna keep it at that.
ANYWHO we are going to figure out who it is by TORTURING SNAPE by going through EVERY SNAPE SHIP KNOWN TO MAN until we hit the jackpot STARTING WITH
*＊✿❀SNARRY STYLES❀✿＊*
Ron: quick question whos harry styles
Fred: yah seems like important information
Me: uh good question-
George: They don't know
Me: I DO I just know very minimal information about the guy jus wait a sec I gotta go google somethin
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OTAY dis is le Harry styles, he's a muggle singer and dats all I know about him
Pansy: Looks like Potter if he were 14.527% more unhinged
Harry: HEY
Pansy: That was actually a compliment
Me: anyWAY yall know how this goes it ain't our first rodeo
Ginny: You do realize we're all gonna ship it out of pure spite right
Me: oh yah definitely. was planning on it. Any objections?
Voldemort: SO if I do try and kill potter I get to leave?
Luna: Closet time for you! *pulls various people from past chapters out of the closet and pushes Voldemort in*
Hermione: Hopefully one day I wake up and realize this is all one screwy fever dream
Me: Mood but unlikely. Every day I realize I've been allowed to live another day so I make it literally everyone else's problem
