Shivi FF: Agar Tum Saath Ho

17.

Raavi wanted to get this over with quickly. The fight was ruining everything they'd built in these last few days. She wanted things to go back to normal, so right after getting up in the morning, she went to the kitchen to make some tea for Shiva. A special masala tea for Shiva, and a small apology, and Shiva would be back to normal. She carried the tray to the terrace where she knew he would be, and sure enough, he was sleeping on the terrace in his cot.

She sat next to him and ran her fingers through his hair. He looked so cute while sleeping and she just wanted for this fight to get over. It was effecting her sleep. She got a nightmare where he didn't speak to her at all. She kissed him on the cheek softly and woke him up. Shiva stirred and as soon as he noticed her, he sat up straight.

"I'm sorry." Raavi said. "Chai pi le. Aur yeh jhagra yahi khatam karte hai Shiva. Mujhe aise tere saath ladna bilkul pasand nahi."

Shiva looked at her as if she'd lost her mind. Raavi handed him the tea cup, but he kept it on his cot and left. Raavi had never seen him this mad. Their fights were usually verbal and loud. He had never ignored her in his life. She went down to talk to him one more time, but everyone was up. Dhara served tea to him which he took. Raavi was both mad and upset. Shiva quickly finished his tea and went to the bathroom. He changed and came to the aangan.

"Gaumbi aaj main jaldi nikalta hu. Saara stock ka hisaab kar lunga." Shiva said, and left.

Raavi knew he was avoiding her. Otherwise he'd have never left without breakfast. What was he so mad about? That she wanted to be just friends? They didn't even like each other at one point. Shiva hated her in fact. Now he wanted to be more than friends. He didn't understand her point of view. Shiva was the only constant in her changing world, and if their relationship changed, then she didn't know what would happen. The last thing she wanted was to lose him.

Raavi decided the best thing for her would be to give him space. It was nice they had this conversation. He could stop expecting anything else from her and they could move on once he accepted that truth. But it was easier said than done. Her mind kept going back to Shiva and wondering whether he had breakfast or not. So when Gaumbi was about to leave for the store, she packed some food for Shiva. 

He didn't come home for lunch either. When finally it was seven in the evening and she knew Shiva would be home soon, Raavi went to fry some pakodas for him. Shiva could never say no to pakodas. She was in the kitchen when she heard his voice. Immediately, she ran upto him and served some pakodas with chutney.

"Shiva maine tere liye pakode tale hai." Raavi smiled.

Shiva didn't bother even looking at her and straight went to their room. She followed him with the plate. He straightaway went to the cupboard.

"Shiva ho gaya na jhagra. Iss baat ko yahi khatam karte hai." Raavi said. "Shiva hum jab ek saath ghumne jate hai kitna maza aata hai. Hum saari zindagi baatein karke, ghumke nikal denge. I promise you tu kabhi bore nahi hoga. Hum dono ek dusre ke best friends banke jiyenge Shiva. Tu apne dil ki baat mujhe batana aur main apne dil ki baat tujhe bataungi."

She stopped talking when she noticed Shiva taking out his clothes from their cupboard. He took a suitcase and began keeping his clothes there.

"Shiva kya kar raha hai tu?" Raavi asked.

"Abhi kuch dino ke liye main chatt pe shift ho raha hu. Phir divorce proceedings shuru hote hi tu wapas apne ghar jaa sakti hai."

Shiva's one sentence knocked the air out of her chest. "Shiva... kya.. kya keh raha hai? Divorce? Divorce kyu?" Her voice came out barely in a whisper. She held his hand to stop him from packing, but Shiva immediately recoiled and moved away. "Aisa kyu kar raha hai?"

"Main nahi chahta ki tu meri wajah se compromise kare." Shiva said. "Tujhe ab mujhe ya mere touch ko bardaasht karne ki koi zaroorat nahi hai Raavi."

Raavi realised those were her own words. She couldn't believe she said that. How could she say that to him? It sounded so wrong, but she was frozen, unable to move or speak. Shiva accidentally knocked the ring down which was kept in the cupboard. Raavi looked at the ring and tears started rolling down her eyes.

Shiva picked it up and looked at it with a dejected gaze. He kept it in the drawer. "Iski ab koi zaroorat nahi hai."

He anyhow packed his suitcase and went out. Raavi sat on the bed and cried. She never meant any of it. He was going to leave her because of her stupidity. She never thought he would leave her. Shiva was the one person who was not supposed to leave her. She couldn't even think of divorcing him. How could he then?
She couldn't leave him. Just the thought of them separating was too painful for her to bear. She sat and thought of all the things she said to him. Raavi was so preoccupied with her own self that she didn't even listen to him when he spoke about his pain. She was doing the same thing with him, that Dev did with her. She was breaking his heart.

Without wasting another minute, she ran to the terrace. He was setting up his cot. Raavi ran to him and wrapped her arms around him. Shiva froze for a minute but he didn't hug her back.

"Shiva... sorry.." Raavi sobbed. "Mera woh matlab nahi tha. Please... please aisa mat kar. Main iss baar puri koshish karungi. I promise."

Shiva pulled her away from him. "Tujhe sorry bolne ki zaroorat nahi hai. Tu khush nahi hai aur tujhe compromise ya adjustment karne ki koi zaroorat nahi hai."

"Shiva mujhe divorce nahi chahiye."

"Iss loveless shaadi mein rehne ka koi matlab nahi hai." Shiva said.

"Please aise mat bol. Maine gusse mein bol diya tha. Main confused thi.."

"Raavi tu mujhse pyaar nahi karti main samajhta hu. Tu kabhi mujhse pyaar nahi karegi, yeh baat mujhe manzoor thi. Par tu toh meri izzat bhi nahi karti. Pyaar ke bina shaadi chal sakti hai par izzat ke bina nahi chalti." Shiva said.

"Shiva main teri izzat karti hu... tu please-"

"Raavi kal main kisi achhe divorce lawyer se paper banwa lunga. Phir bas ise jaldi khatam karte hai."

"Shiva tu-" Raavi had no idea what to say to him.

It was all so shocking that she didn't even know what to say. Had she really hurt him to this extent that he was ready to leave her? He had never left her alone, right from their childhood. No matter what, he has always been there for her. Now how could he leave?

Shiva slept on his cot, ignoring Raavi standing there. She wiped away her tears and sat beside him. There was no way she would let him go. She held his hand, and laid her head beside their joined hands. Placing a kiss on his hand, she closed her eyes, falling asleep.