1 am || dreamnotfound

thirty - five

day one

it's been one day since ally died in the hospital. clay had isolated himself in his room ever since. he'll barely get out of his bed. his hair hasn't been brushed and he hasn't showered yet.

two more days into the funeral.

day two

he still won't get out of bed. george kept texting him but he can't bring himself to answer. he'll only stare mindlessly outside the window. no thoughts, no feelings other then heartwrenching pain that just won't leave his aching heart.

day three

it's the funeral and once they leave the car, clay spots both george's and nick's famlies.

the two hug him tightly, but he's just so numb and empty.

but, he's able to quietly sob into george's shoulder as nick ran his hand up and down clay's reassuringly, soflty, gently.

clay couldn't get himself to look at the coffin as they buried his sister.

gone.

fucking gone.

he still doesn't want to believe it.

day six

he's still isolated in his bedroom. he's only gone down there to grab a snack and then head back upstairs. he hasn't had a full meal ever since that day that will forever haunt him until his death.

maybe death will come and greet him earlier, maybe it'll be a nice hello, or perhaps a bittersweet one.

his phone kept on buzzing so much that he turned it on silent. he knew he should answer at least one of them, or maybe the groupchat, but he can't bring himself to grab his phone.

day ten

all of his friends have come by at least once. george had come by about three times a day.

clay's grateful, but he just doesn't know how to show it anymore, he hoped george understood.

alex and karl brought flowers for his family.

day thirteen

it's almost been two weeks.

two weeks since ally died in the hospital.

he's gone outside his room a bit more, not much. the last time he went out, his mom was sitting on the couch downstairs, on the spot where ally would always curl up.

when his mom saw him, she let out the quietest sob and clay ran up to hug her tightly.

both of them cried that night.

day seventeen

he refused to go even near ally's room. he can't bear it. he can't bear seeing it empty, seeing it without ally screaming at her xbox.

he missed hearing her victory cheers in the middle of the night.

day 21

almost a month since she's been gone and clay finally went out with george that day.

his boyfriend took him to the flowerfields and helped him make flowercrowns.

he made two.

one for himself, and one for ally, in which it sat on her plush pillows.

day 27

he finally ate breakfast and dinner again. no lunch yet, but soon.

day 31
a whole month

he forced himself out of bed and to change clothes. when he opened his closet, all he did was change his sweatpants into a new pair and his shirt into a new one.

once he did, he forced himself to walk out the room and in front of ally's room.

taking he deep breath, he stepped in and looked around, taking in her room as he walked up to the pictures.

the first one, hung right next to her tv, was a picture of her and clay, it was closer to this time. clay was 15 and ally was 12. clay's running with her on his back. ally's arms are wide at her sides and she's got a huge smile on her face, like she's laughing. clay is too, looking back slightly.

in the one on her nightstand, there's one of him and her. this one is definitely recent, a few months ago. the two are at a chase atlantic concert. it's a selfie that clay took.

choking on his sudden ragged breaths, he smiled as one singly tear dropped.

there was a teddy bear on her bed.

an old teddy bear.

clay bought it for her when she was six.

with another sob held back, he gripped it in his trembling hands and brought it to his room, placing it on his nightstand and turning off the lights.

tonight, he didn't go out.

tonight, he then grabbed the teddy bear off the nightstand and held it closely, shutting his tear-slicked eyes and letting out that sob.