1 am || dreamnotfound

thirty - four

ally.

ally.

ally. ally. ally. ally.

her name had been repeating in his mind over and over again his the car. his legs bounced with anxiety and his heart seemed to be bursting out of his chest. his dad was silent up front, his mom already at the hosptial.

ally had been riding her bike when a car had run a red light, slamming right into her.

his hand was squeezing george's tightly, so tightly he was surprised george wasn't saying anything. but the brunet was worried as well, knawing his bottom lip with his teeth.

his breathing had starting coming it short breaths a few seconds ago. oh he was panicking.

ally.

ally.

ally. ally. ally. ally.

clay's dad stopped at the hospital and he wasted no time hopping out, followed by george and clay. as they entered the sliding doors, clay couldn't make out what the person at the front desk was saying, his head was clouding over and the world was slowly beginning to spin.

he followed a lady, george, and his dad mindlessly, letting his boyfriend drag him along by the arm. they were told to wait outside the room ally and his mother were in, only his dad was allowed in, and they agreed to keep the two boys out.

clay leaned against the wall and gripped his locks so tightly he could just yank them out right then and there. his sight blurred and he slid to the ground. fuck--ally.

"fuck, clay, listen to me. focus on my voice. we're going to follow my breathing, okay, sweetheart?"

fuck--he could barely make out whoever had said that.

fuck--he never panicked this much.

"clay, i'm going to need a response."

ally--

"okay, you're looking at me, but i need a nod, can you nod once you can comprehend it's me?"

george.

he nodded.

"good, good. okay, now four seconds of breathing in, four seconds of holding, and then four seconds of breathing out. copy me," george said gently. clay could finally see that he was knelt in front of him.

"there, good. better, take it slow. it's going to be okay..." even then, the blond didn't miss how george's voice cracked.

clay sucked in a deep breath, repeating, "she's going to be okay. she's gonna make it. she'll make it."

but it sounded like he was convincing himself.

george sat down next to clay, stretching his legs in front of him, one on top of clay's.

"can you tell me about her?" he prompted quietly.

clay chewed on his lip. "well--um--she's the sweetest fucking person i know. she actually cares about me, she knows what's wrong with me and hell--patches loves her"--a heavy laugh--"literally, it's fucking hilarious.

"she... she... she's such a people person. she's always um, trying to make new friends with anybody... even animals. i've seen her outside sitting underneath the huge tree in our backyard with a stray cat on her lap. and once i saw her outside trying to get a bird to come to her---it almost worked, i'm not gonna lie, it hopped a few steps towards her before patches spooked it.

"ally always has my back," his voice hushed down into a whisper. "seriously. when my parents were fuckin' pissed at me for being out all night, she told me not to come home, she had my back when my parents were yelling at me. she knows a do drugs and shit, but she doesn't tell my parents--" another heavy laugh--"i know, not something she should keep from my parents but... but she does.

"ally loves racing me on her bike and trying my skateboard. hell, ya wanna know somethin'? i sprained my wrist from saving her from a fall on my skateboard, but it was worth it. stupid, but... yeah."

clay let out a shuttering breath, looking away and blinking his eyes quickly.

"you have the best fucking sister," george whispered.

"flatline."

clay's head snapped to the door, not believing what he just heard.

"flatline, there's a flatline, we need more nurses."

and his heart did drop then. george's eyes widen as the two stood up and watched nurses enter the room rapidly, shutting the door behind them.

the door opened again after a while and his father stepped out. "clay... i'm so, so, so, sorry. she's gone."

the one sentence he didn't want to hear.

the one sentence he had hoped would never have to come out of anybody's mouth.

"no..." the word was a mere, broken, whisper.

"let me see her," he begged, "please, alone."

clay followed his dad in, fighting back the tears already lining up in his eyes. his eyelashes were sleek and his vision was blurred because of the tears as he numbly watched the nurses and his parents step out.

as the door closed, he could make out a glimpse of george hugging his parents tightly.

when the door locked, he dropped to his knees beside ally's bed, burying his face into her slowly-growing-cold figure.

and he let his sobs shake him. he let every single wretched sob out until his chest shook was burning effort, until his throat was raw and torn, until his lips couldn't shut because of those sobs.

"you can't go," he sobbed, words barely heard as they were muffled in the clothing. "i need you. i need you with me. you're so fucking young, you can't just leave."

one hand closed over her's. clay could feel the dried blood.

that fucking car.

"i love you, i fucking love you, sweetie, so fucking much, forever and always. together until the rainbow ends?"

he laughed at his own, shaky words. the sentence ally told him when she was only four and he was eight. it was stupid, bet also somewhat adorable.

another sob left him as he sat there, talking to her quietly, as if he would get an answer.

and god, how he wished he could hear her sweet voice one more time.