the most brilliant darkness;; jwy, csan

06

two weeks later, you find yourself back in the same park on the same grass with camera in hand. this time, however, you are on your own without your friends to keep you company, but that's mostly because you opted not to tell anyone you were heading over to the park. your phone keeps buzzing behind you in a way that indicates that there are plans either being made or already in motion. you are more occupied with the family of rock squirrels darting around the grass several feet away.

the conversation you shared with san is always in the back of your mind somewhere, moving like these squirrels do such that it's noticeable and takes over your focus several times a week, but you and san don't dare go back to those vulnerable and emotional conversations.

you imagined it would shift something in your relationship.

it didn't.

a day later when you finally had the opportunity to go back to the hotel with him, he fucked you so hard that you had bruises lining your hips the next day. you didn't talk about it, you allowed it to happen because it was something you wanted when he posed the question of "can i be rough tonight", and perhaps it was simply another impulse decision to regret later. you didn't ask why he wanted it, nor did he explain himself. it happened, you did it, you moved on from it.

you've learned that making assumptions with choi san is wildly unpredictable and unreliable because he changes his mind on a whim so often. the little sting of pain you felt in your chest when he so quickly yanked his hand away from yours was a wake up call in a way. it didn't keep your feelings from being hurt, or stop your less-friendly-more-romantic feelings towards him from continuing to blossom, but it gave you a reality check at least.

all in all, aside from that mess, you'd say that you're doing rather well in life. you called your dad last week on the anniversary, and for some reason, this year was easier than the last. it sounded that way for your father as well. the call with your mother didn't go as smoothly, but there's a reason you avoid talking to her as much as possible, and that only proved your point further. you keep up with therapy even though you think you're nearing a point where you no longer need it; the extra security of getting to talk through thoughts about the future helps enough to make you continue going. last tuesday, you gave your portfolio to hongjoong for him to look over, and he promptly gave you a scrap of paper with a number scrawled on it, telling you to call them immediately. as it turns out, you now have a slot in hongjoong's next exhibition for some of your photos, which is insane to think about considering how awful your parents were about your major. this opportunity is one that you never imagined possible because of their views on your future, so to see it come to life like this is nothing short of a miracle in your mind.

you're in the midst of editing one of the photos you took of the squirrels when someone sneaks up on you from behind.

"what are you doing?"

the sudden question and foreign voice hits you so hard that you startle, nearly dropping your camera and falling over, but a pair of hands dart out to steady both you and the camera. your gaze goes up and up until it lands on smiling lips, full cheeks, and brown eyes that have gold rings around the center. wooyoung has eyes that would look good under the lens of a camera and a smile to match. you huff and lift the camera to your face to snap another picture of the squirrels. wooyoung leans far enough into the frame so that only his face and blinding smile are visible, and you find yourself snapping the photo anyway.

"hi. sorry for scaring you. mind if i sit down?" he motions to the empty space beside you. to be honest, you're of half a mind to deny him simply for scaring you out of your skin, but his smile is warm enough to compel you to say otherwise.

"go ahead," you mutter, relaxing your shoulders as he settles onto the grass beside you. "how did you know i was here?"

"i didn't! i swear, i'm not like — i'm not following you or anything weird! i was just out for a walk because the weather is nice and saw you over here alone, so i thought i'd come say hi."