Do You Have Regrets? (Levi x Reader)

Chapter 3: Getting to Know You

It turns out Hange did have a pretty decent reason for letting my "secret" slip. Apparently Hange had been conducting experiments on a few different plants she found outside the walls. And being the crazy person she is, Hange decided that to help the plants grow; she would talk to them. She had been chatting up her plants for about three days, when she ran out of topics to discuss.

I guess she just started telling the weeds about her life, which of course involved me. She told them of our meeting, our somewhat scandalous romantic past (that's a story for another day), and then eventually how I was such a "badass" (her words not mine). I guess explaining how "cool" I was required the plants to know my full backstory. Anyway while she was discussing that particularly unpleasant topic, Flagon came to "visit" her.

He would normally waltz into our lab to make fun of us, distract us from our work, and make himself feel better about his tiny dick by belittling us. On that day Hange didn't hear the door open, she was a loud talker. Flagon heard what she said, and then pressed her on if it was the truth or not. Hange, hoping he might give me a break if he knew the truth, told him it was true. The one thing I didn't want from people was pity, and she was just trying to hand it out.

Well, telling Flagon the truth did the opposite of what Hange wanted. As she explained all this, Hange was frantic and looked like she was on the verge of tears. I couldn't bear to see her like that. Of course I forgave her, I mean she was my best friend and roommate. (For some reason there was a room shortage so for the past couple months Hange and I had been having to share a room. I didn't really mind, neither of us were overly clean people. And soon I was going to get an office with my room attached to it, like most Captains have).

I honestly was surprised Hange kept my "secret" for as long as she did, and it wasn't like I was really against people knowing where I was from. I just didn't like talking about it and I didn't want people to treat me differently because of it. The rest of my day was spent in the lab, with the crazy scientist herself. I was informed that Commander Shadis would allow us to go out and capture a titan or two to study, as soon as a couple of squads could be formed.

We spent most of the day fan-girling over the fact that we would have a titan we could do whatever we wanted with. Of course Erwin came in halfway through the day with bread (he usually brought us some sort of food for lunch, since we always forgot), and to tell us that tomorrow Shadis found two squads to go with Hange and I to collect the titan specimens. I was excited at first, but then I remembered that I had to train my new squad members and that was something I didn't want to miss out on.

Hange was bummed that I wouldn't be coming with her, but Erwin reassured her that he would be there and that everything would be fine. Erwin didn't stay for long, he has always been a very busy man. After a few more hours of working on research and goofing around, it was time for dinner. Hange and I headed to the mess hall. She stopped in our room to get something and said she would meet me down there. I walked the rest of the way there alone, putting on my 'don't even try to talk to me' face.

I usually wore that expression when I was by myself, I guess it was out of habit and just because I didn't really care to talk to people. I mean I enjoyed my friends' company and the three newbies seemed like people I would get along with, but most people I would rather just avoid altogether. I didn't know what that meant about me then, and I still don't. I collected my meal and sat down at my usual table in the corner. The shadows covered my face and I stared into space, thinking mindlessly.

I slowly ate the bread and soup that was being served. Food there wasn't the worst, but definitely wasn't the best. It was neither good nor bad, just edible. My thoughts founds their way to Flagon and what he said to me. I knew his words were true, he was right, I didn't deserve to be here. I had done terrible things, and the worst part was I didn't even feel bad about what I did, or so I thought. I never smiled, like really smiled. It was always some fake line sprawled on my face that seemed to ease those around me.