One morning, I woke up to the sounds of birds outside my bedroom window.
It was new.
Those chirping, happy sounds.
After almost six months of winter, the twittering sounds could only mean one thing--oras na para gumising at magising.
Panahon na para mamulat mula sa mahabang emotional hibernation.
Kaya naman on the first day of spring, nagdesisyon ako.
Hindi na ako iiyak.
I had to remind myself na pagpasok ko sa banyo, when I see my reflection in the mirror, hindi ako maaawa sa sarili ko.
There will be no tears dahil it's time for a new beginning.
It is finally spring, my favorite season in the entire year.
Time to turn over a new leaf, to shed the old skin and wake up to a new and better day.
But things are usually easier said than done.
For one, hindi madaling bumangon.
Mukhang hindi lang ang puso ko ang nagkaroon nang atrophy kundi pati na ang kalamnan ko.
Reluctantly, I got up.
My mind was still foggy dahil hindi naman talaga ako nakakatulog nang maayos.
Pag higa ko, ikot nang ikot ang isip ko.
Kapag lalong pinipilit na kumalma, to relax, lalo lang akong nagiging agitated.
Hindi madali dahil there was an empty spot on the right side of the bed.
It had been like that for months.
Pero hindi pa din ako sanay.
When I finally got up, dahan-dahan akong lumakad papunta sa banyo.
I opened the door but did not look at my reflection in the mirror.
I know how I look.
Two large dark rings under the eyes that would definitely put a raccoon to shame.
My hair is dry and limp.
I needed a haircut because my sideburns were long and unruly.
Time na din siguro na magpakulay nang buhok.
Maybe I would try something bold—hot pink, red, purple.
Natawa ako sa naisip not only because that shit won't fly at work but because I would probably look like a clown.
Hindi din bagay sa skin tone ko.
Baka lalo akong umitim.
It was a good idea not to look in the mirror.
Hindi ko gustong makita ang sadness sa mga mata ko.
That's how I start crying.
When I'm face to face with the shadows that lurked behind my eyes.
Kaya imbes na tingnan ang mukha ko sa salamin ay tumungo ako, binuksan ang gripo at nagmamadaling naghilamos.
I also decided to eat breakfast that day.
Pero nang buksan ko ang fridge wala palang laman maliban sa dalawang half-empty water bottle, cheese slices na inaamag na dahil sa tagal nang nakastore at tatlong pirasong itlog that were way past the expiration date.
Once again, I felt the bitter taste of self-pity rising from my throat.
It was time to put the past behind me.
BINABASA MO ANG
Jack & Destiny
RomanceJack only wanted to do one thing--embrace the truth. His revelation came with a heavy price. When he finally decided to move on and reclaim his life, Destiny came knocking. Things will never be the same. All rights reserved. No part of this work ma...
