The Gap Year

Chapter 16

‘Are you okay, Emma? You look a bit pasty.’ Of course I look pasty, I’m standing next to you, oh bronzed Aphrodite of the seas, as nimble on your feet on deck as you are gliding along the runways of everyday life. Now do me a favour and bog off and let me wallow in my sea sickness alone, or at least go and distract the guests or something.

                Every time I set foot on this boat it’s the same thing, I turn as grey as an badger. I’ve always been the same apparently, just like when I threw up over the side of the ferry taking us from Ibiza to Formentera, the wind blowing the sick back over the side and all over Mummy’s best Missoni cover-up. I’m clearly bred for a more sophisticated form of travel, whereas Miss Euro Bot is right at home tending to the needs of the dumb and desperate on this pauper’s dinghy.

                ‘Are you looking forward to lunch at Kalami?’ She persisted in making conversation, ‘I heard its beautiful there.’

                ‘It’s okay.’ I lied, loathing to agree that yes, the bay of Kalami, an amphitheatre of cypress trees stretching from the clear blue sea to the clear blue sky, might be considered one of the most beautiful places on earth.

                ‘I still can’t believe how lucky we are.’

                ‘Lucky?’

              ‘Yes, to have a job that allows us to see and do so many amazing things. Who else gets to swim in the sea and eat lunch on such an iconic beach as part of their job?’ She clearly is demented, ‘and to meet such wonderful people too.’ Wonderful? ‘Look, here we are now Emma.’ She pointed, her fingers full of enthusiasm, as the bow of the boat reached around the headland revealing the picture perfect scene.

                As the wooden foot plank made contact with the beach I staggered.

                ‘Are you okay, poppet?’ An old lady wearing a white sun hat, white t-shirt and white shorts reached out to touch my hand reassuringly, her orb of whiteness burning my already sun damaged brain.

               ‘I’m fine thanks, just a bit wobbly.’ I sighed, deflated. I’m the one who’s supposed to be looking after the elderly, not the other way around. ‘Isn’t she stunning?’ The old lady was now speaking in a dream like manner, as if talking to herself.

                ‘Who is?’ I gasped at the image of Rebecca, now standing high on the left side of the boat, just a white string bikini covering her, it’s colour only enhancing her already perfect honeycomb tan.

                ‘Come on Emma, you should join me!’ She gestured over before rising to her tip toes and diving swan like in to the sea. Like an angel she entered the water, her body now more mermaid than human, eventually rising about thirty metres away from the boat.

                ‘God she’s like Daryl Hannah in Splash.’ Dave the Head Rep was talking in the same trance like state as the old lady.

                ‘What, a stupid blonde fish?’ There is no way that I am falling for this Ariel routine, and why isn’t Dave going crazy? Such reckless behaviour is clearly not on the timetable, and what about the all-important insurance coverage he’s always banging on about?

                ‘Aren’t you going to stop her?’ I prompted.

                ‘No.’ Dave the Head Rep looked on, barely acknowledging my question. Oh for the love of God now he was at it too. What’s happening to him? Eww, he was taking his trousers off, and his shoes, socks, shirt and tie too, leaving only a pair of boxers baring the grinning face of Animal from The Muppets.  And here was the ultimate muppet, about to forget everything of his rules and regulations, as he followed Barbie by jumping straight in to the sea.

                ‘Come on everyone.’ He shouted as his head emerged from the water.

                ‘Yes, everyone dive in,’ Rebecca waved eagerly, ‘this water is amazing.’