Love, Mom

Chapter Six

Lily was awakened by the ringing of her phone.

She blindly stretched her arm, awkwardly patted her nightstand, searching for her phone. Finally, she felt it under her fingers and brought it to her ear in panic.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is it Lily Anderson?"

"Yeah, that's her, uh, that's me."

"This is Amelia from Planned Parenthood. Your pregnancy tests all came back positive. You are pregnant."

Lily didn't hear the rest. Engulfed in a cottony fog, she vaguely heard that she was scheduling an appointment for the weekend, then waited for her interlocutor to hang up to immediately call Elena.

"Lily? Wassgoingon?" She asked in a sleepy voice.

"I'm pregnant."

"Yeah, I know."

"No, I'm pregnant pregnant. The results came back. I'm, like, one hundred percents pregnant."

Elena didn't answer and Lily heard her move making her bed creak.

"Shit."

"You said it."

Lily was waiting. She was sitting on the bench in the park, a cup of Häagen-Dazs ice cream in her hands. The ice cream was for special occasions and Lily felt it was.

After all, she was pregnant.

She remained seated on the bench, gazing distractedly around her. She wore an old brown leather jacket over her 1950s style dress, which smelled of old clothes and dust. Lily loved the smell.

Silent, she engulfed large spoonfuls of ice, freezing her tongue and teeth. Yet she hardly paid any attention to it. Her gaze was fixed on the mother with the stroller, whose round belly stood out enormously. This mom was peacefully talking with one of her friends while thoughtfully brushing her swollen belly.

Lily, immersed in her careful observation, stuffed another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

Elena sat down next to her, dropping her bag on the floor.

"Hi."

"Hey," Lily replied, her mouth full of ice, without ceasing her contemplation.

Elena followed her gaze, looked intently at the pregnant woman.

"Do you think she likes it?"

"What?" Elena asked.

"Having a parasite growing inside of her."

Elena stared at her for a long second.

"I don't know. Do you?"

Lily put her empty ice cream cup next to her, leaned over her bag.

"I made a list."

"A list of what?"

"Of pros and cons."

She took out a sheet of paper, unfolded it, freeing her hair from her face.

"Pros of having an abortion: no baby. I know what my future will look like. My body stays the same. I finish high school normally. Cons: still to be determined."

"Lily..." Elena sighed.

"Shhhsh, listen. Pros of keeping the baby: cute baby who has half of your genes. Cons: crying. Poop. My body is ruined. I won't finish high school normally. More crying. A lot of money spent in health care, insurance, food, clothes, diapers, baby and kids and teenagers stuff. Oh, I have to add one: teenage rebellion. Although I don't know if that counts since it's far in the future but— "

"Lily," Elena interrupted. "You can't decide this on a pros and cons list."

"Why not?"

"Because having a child is not logical. It's a mindset, a feeling. You have to think with your heart, not your brain."

Lily looked down to her feet, swinging her legs.

"What do you think?"

"It doesn't matter what I think, babe. It's your body, your decision. I'll be with you every step of the way, whatever you decide," Elena assured, placing a kiss on her shoulder.

"Yes but—"

"Honey. You decide. It's not my decision. I might have gotten you in this situation, but I won't be the one to chain you to it. You decide."

She frowned.

"But why didn't you even consider adoption?"

Lily swung her legs for a few seconds in silence.

"I don't know my mother. I don't know half of where I come from. I don't want to throw a child into a bad system for them to wonder if they'll ever feel like home anywhere."

Elena gently stroked her shoulder, gazing at her in silence. Lily took a deep breath.

"An abortion would be easier. Just a pill, and we don't talk about it anymore. It'll be a relief. No need to worry anymore."

Elena was silent.

Lily swung her legs, looking down, considering her hand resting on her stomach.

"But at the same time ... It can be a baby. I could be a mother. I could break the cycle. I wanna break the cycle. I've always wanted to break the cycle. Just ... Not so soon . "

She sighed.

"I can't stop watching movies about mothers and their kids. I can't stop my heart from accelerating everytime I hear a child calling their mom. I can't stop doubting it'll be the right decision to stop it all. I've always wanted to be a mother. To love so much I should have a second heart because one doesn't have enough space."

Elena remained motionless next to her.

"I'm scared," Lily whispered.

"I know."

"Are you scared too?"

"I'm terrified. But I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. I would do anything for you. I will be by your side whatever you decide. "

Lily put her feet on the ground, enjoying the breath of wind in her hair.

"I'm keeping it."

"Okay," Elena smirked. "We're keeping it."

"We're having a baby.

"We're having a baby," Elena repeated, leaning forward to kiss her.