THE MAN I HATE THE MOST (A POEM)

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by veltel

by veltel

I never wanted all to know-
    Disliked him so much. Why shouldn't I?;
A broad chest that can take any blow-
    His body- models would fly high;
So thin like nubile girl- the waist-
Ah! Perfect 'V' shape- in good taste;
    May be all those swims of young age-
    Or a born athlete- such a rage,
Till Nicotine did its job fine and dandy.

His Hercules' body, I didn't hate;
    The way he left me in the lurch-
My shattered mind still out of date-
    After, life be ne'er on nice perch;
Big bad world's orphan I became-
Strong shoulders his must take all blame;
    On dark nights, shudder I to think-
    'Why did he leave us in a blink?'.
Well, I will never know true reason for sure.

On purpose he left, I surmise-
    Rough lessons of life, I must learn,
In hardest way to shape me wise;
    My triumphs stayed e'er his concern;
Yet, he did teach me not a thing-
Didn't even try to take a swing;
    Wild rebel I was, he knew well-
    That I'll reject advice like hell.
But, trust me, I did soak up lot much from you.

Now plainly, I discern one thing-
    You breathed and also died for us;
My freaky odd ways. Did it sting?-
    I must admit- was bit nonplus;
Yet he won't like me now to change-
A Rose sans thorns be very strange;
    One maverick he was in yore-
    I'm still that (may be wee bit more!).
You always asked me to be different, right?

Tons of turmoil he did go through-
    Glad that death gave you space and rest;
Tired heart just stopped, out of the blue-
    I thank God who may not exist;
Can't even picture you as old,
With shrivelled body- can't behold;
    Life- not meant to be meaningless-
    You died a lion at prime- bless.
How I wish such a blissful demise. You bet?

The maze of sacrifice you made-
    For us, put honour too on line;
Sour memories will ne'er e'er fade-
    Let that shame die- still shall taste brine;
Remember one promise I made-
O'er your still body- swore and said,
    "To no one it will bow- my head";
    It sure e'er won't, till I fall dead.
Ha! Pleasure will uplift your tortured ol' soul!

Did maintain an unspoken pact-
    Fair distance we shall keep between;
Much, we didn't speak or interact-
    But glances, a lot did they mean;
Our own Morse code to understand-
And to be fair, it was not bland;
    Discussions, those we never had-
    I yearn for them now, a tad sad.
How to make most of my regrets? I wonder.

When pushed into a corner or,
Decisions tough, I need to take,
Don't know what takes me to bird's soar;
Beside me, who stands for my sake?;
You live in me as big ally-
In doubt, I put on your shoes sly;
Should fight evil to bitter end?-
You would do that grand. Sure, won't bend.
Bold liberal you always were. Cherish that.

Few memories, stay heady strong-
    Deep etched e'er, those of early years-
In some unplumbed depth now belong;
    For virgin child, his smells gave cheers;
On journeys, I slept on your lap-
How I long for them- ha! long gap;
    To tune me, rapped till I was Ten-
    Our dark room, silent shed tears then.
Ah! And I hugged you tight in night's secret clutch.

Pair truly odd, we always were-
    Fine feels did o'erflow to the brim;
Deep inside, they caused quite a stir-
    Yet, to express them- not for him;
But trembling, high guard once went down-
"I live just for you"- you broke down;
    Such poignant moments not come oft-
    What did I say?- just let it waft.
Rest in peace, I'll take that to my sandy grave.

When you spoke of me, your spoiled brat-
    To all and sundry, kith and kin-
Eyes dreamy- sheer pride, I saw that;
    But that constant angst. It's akin-
An elephant which lost its calf;
Lot heard that you went barely half,
    The man, since your firstborn's demise;
    Not one to share it- soul that cries.
As a father now, surely do empathize.

I was indifferent even rude-
    Do I regret that? Was I wrong?;
Sans doubt, I say ' NO'. Was bit crude-
    But, adolescence took along;
You were hurt but didn't say a thing-
I could do no wrong, proud offspring;
    To recognise what's good, do bad-
    A must for growth plan of raw lad.
Hope I be same magnanimous with my kids.

Had our share of disagreements-
    Not a lot but distinctly few;
Scrums such gave hearty merriments-
    Hot arguments, back and forth flew;
We shot straight, and ne'er took detour-
A Bridge deal at times bridged some cure;
    Times many differed just to spite-
    But speak his language now, with might.
One must stand up for truth, even with loved ones.

Pain- shan't forget in his eyes when,
    Ancestral land went up in smoke;
Thought, he didn't leave much for my den-
    My intellect- why doubt? Won't broke;
I carry your genes, after all-
Sure can, with my back to the wall,
    Fend for my own self- which I'll do,
    And live gay life sans much ado.
Rich blood of veins flows in good stead to thrive heart.

Lot many fellow call me this-
    'Walking encyclopedia';
They didn't know him. It's their miss;
    Would have lit up whole media-
Analysis- Not many can do;
I did search in all of Who's who-
    Couldn't find any one as cerebral;
    To get one new, a miracle.
Don't get me wrong. I am not that far behind!

His forte always- humble core,
    That treat souls all so equal same;
Two crumbled dress- enough to score-
    Too simple but that didn't grant fame;
That boisterous laugh, your best part-
From very bottom of pure heart;
    Caprice- not part of lexicon-
    A kingly gem midst men of pawn;
Ah! Wish, I be half a man I know of you.

How noble his mind worked, I know-
    Forgave foes petty, with good grace;
All this, they did forget although-
    Did he care? Was ne'er in rat race;
His fiery notes- I voiced sans strife-
But can't hurt any in own life;
    Showboating- can we call that vice?-
    To be like you, I won't advice.
Is it a curse that nice men mustn't finish first?

A fancied life, I would have lived-
    My Pater, if you were not there;
On free will- comforts you deprived-
    If I have, will I be his heir?;
Desires and dreams of middle class-
You- regal to reject en masse;
    Made me then grasp and master Math-
    I open your book for life math.
You kept yourself simple to make me complex.

Imposed a thing? Ne'er tied a knot-
    Just wanted us to have best blast;
Man of few words but life spoke lot-
    Ahead, much of those times of past;
Ah! What you were, ne'er will I be-
But what you ne'er were, I shall be;
    Path mine like yours thread e'er so straight-
    Won't mind if people praise or hate.
Your failures sadly, manure now my success.

I wonder what my kids will write-
    Perhaps they won't. And why should they?;
Well, I am not that good. Not quite-
    But not bad either, by the way;
Since I ne'er be as good as you-
I stopped to bother. Then I grew;
    Why am I not as pure, I muse-
    The times we live in, I accuse.
Yet, I do promise. My journey shall continue.

And let me tell this- in your youth,
    Those curly locks- presume girls' queue;
Some debonair looks that e'er sooth-
    My teenage stayed in envied rue!;
Now spent more time on this wretched earth
Without you than with- Is it worth?
    This- started writing to spite you-
    But ended up applauding, though.
Don't blame me for that. You are simply the best.

Become more like you, as I age-
    Not merely in the looks, also,
In moods and mien, to turn the page;
    Learnt, selfless love ne'er stays hollow;
As I write, a lump at my throat-
Adoring brood keeps me afoat;
    I hate you more than ever now-
    For making me to break my vow.
Some stories are better told unsaid, it seems.

Listen, My old man. Just once I'll tell you this
Holy shit! Fore'er will love you. I spake thus.