Love Awaited

Timelimit

Beam POV

I quickly raised my gaze in panic and looked at Tian. The jerk just smiled at me. My eyes switched to P'Phupha and the pain in his eyes didn't escape me though he also gave me a simle.

"And I turned him down," I appended to Tian's statement, as if to explain to P'Phupha what I did.

Unfortunately, instead being relived, P'Phupha looked like he got depressed even more. I was unsure of what to do or say at that point.

"But that doesn't mean I am giving up on you," Tian added. Ugh! I really don't know where he gets his balls to say things like this in front of P'Phupha. I wanted to hit him with the bag in my hand. 

Above all, I wanted to bury Anita, who was laughing hard in the development, deep in those hot sand by the beach. "Exciting!" she even commented, not even making an effort in reading the heaviness of the atmosphere.

Moments later, P'Phupha approached me and hugged me tightly. I swallowed by guilt even more. It's true that he hadn't spoken out loud that he indeed loves Tian but hello, it's hella more obvious than Jennie Panhan's sexual preference.

"He's a good guy. You're lucky that someone like him fell for you," Phi mentioned to me and embraced me tighter. I remained quiet.

The whole weekend, Tian tailed me like some dog which irritated me to the max. His persistence intensified when P'Phupha announced that in a month's time, he'll follow Forth in the Middle East for some greener pastures in his work. It was then I learned that the devil was working as an engineer there.

But thankfully, I found some time to talk with P'Phupha in private. 

"Take care of him, okay?" He said to me.

"I don't love him, phi..." 

"But?" He asked with a smile. No matter what he do, he can't hide the fact that he's hurting from all of this.

"...he's not hard to love." I replied.

P'Phupha did not speak. He just looked at the sea and pondered. After a while, he shared his thoughts while evidently trying to hold his tears back. "I've waited for him for seven years, Beam. And in that span of time, I ended up thinking that what's important is his happiness, even if it's not with me. I've always believed he was straight. I wanted to believe that he IS straight. It was easier that way. Because if that's not the case, and I'm not the one he loves, I knew I will get hurt badly. And it does hurt to be honest. It hurts like hell."

"He loves you, phi. You know that." I told him but he just shook his head.

"He chose you. That's what matters the most. So love him, if you can. More than I do," He said before leaving me by my lonesome by the bay. I didn't try to follow him especially when I saw Forth meeting him.

I stayed seated by the sandy beach until the sun finally set. I just took the time to muse alone. I guess I couldn't get my head to wrap around the fact that he loves a person but he let that person be with another. I believe that if you love someone, you should fight for him/her.

I sighed a few times. But I almost squealed when someone suddenly spoke directly behind me. 

"You're not a replacement, Beam." It was Tian who was looking at me intently. "You're my second chance, the one chance to love that I never thought I would ever have again. So think about it."

His words shook me to the core. I mean, if I was going to be totally honest with myself, I was spot on when I said to P'Phupha that Tian is not a hard person to love. I think, I was about to go there. 

I thought everything was a done deal after that but when we were about to return to the city, Forth cornered me and gave me a blow in the stomach. We were still in the beach house we were renting so no one else saw what he did.

"You won't get to hurt him again. None of you will! I'll make sure of that!" Forth growled while sintering me with his angry gaze. Even while still curled in pain, I glared back to my aggressor. He's the same with Tian, jerks who just do the hell they want whenever they want! Can't they at least show some telltale sign first of their plans so I can prepared myself?! But afterwards, Forth just turned around and quickly walked away.

"That's just unfair!" I yelled which made him stop on his tracks. "Please don't make him out as the victim because if there's anyone who had it bad in this situation, it's me." I stood up defiantly. "I got dragged into this, Forth. So please, don't blame me for their cowardice. Because no matter where you look at it, whether I love Tian or not, it's me on the losing end. I will always be number two and that's the best place I will ever going to be." Then, I walked out.

In the whole ride back to the city, I felt three gazes at me: Forth, P'Phupha, and Tian. I ignored the three of them. Misty, Anita, and P'Kris got wind of the situation and did not provide any other comments.

After that weekend, I never saw P'Phupha and Forth again for a while. Though I still get to be around P'Kris, Anita, and Misty, especially when Misty opened her coffee shop/bookstore/book rental shop. It became our homebase.

Meanwhile, Tian became even more eager in his quest to try to woo me. Until eventually, after a year, as expected, I fell in love with him. Even my mother was wooed that the only thing missing was for her to adopt him officially.

Tian is sweet guy. He would bring me to the hospital at the start of my shift, even if I'm on the night shift, he would still fetch me. He didn't change even we became official. Not falling in love with him would've been a mistake. He was not the perfect boyfriend but he tried his best to keep me happy everytime we were together. He would be patient with all my habitual crankiness. He would appease me even though I was the one who started our fight. Sometimes, my mom would slap me in the head because I shouldn't be too spoiled and rotten just because my boyfriend is patient with me.

We had three good years together. I do admit that P'Phupha being out of the picture was one of the biggest reason for that and it was my respite. We didn't even hear a single word from him. There was a complete news blackout surrounding him. Of course, if I do hear something about him I won't inform Tian about it. There was still that fear in me. I was sure that they also had no communication because Tian was honest to me. And if there was any person who feared news about P'Phupha, it's Tian.

Perhaps, that's one of the reasons why I loved him so much. He never denied loving P'Phupha. It even came to the point that it was a running joke between us.

We were happy.

Until one day, P'Phupha was suddenly rushed to the hospital where I worked. He was part of the huge accident in one of the metro's major thoroughfares. He was actually on his way to hospital to drop of his gift for Tian and me. It was a couple shirt that he designed himself for us.

P'Phupha was in a come for three months. And in that period, Tian locked himself in our room at home. He was even fired from work from incurring too many absences. I advised him multiple times to visit P'Phupha but he only answered with sobs. I got angry, I pleaded hard, but nothing made him budge.

Then came the day that I told him that P'Phupha's life support will be disconnected per his family's wishes. That made him decide to finally make his move. 

"You can at least say goodbye..." I told him even though those words pierced my heart.

It has been P'Phupha for Tian. It will always be P'Phupha for Tian. I witnessed it for those three long months. It hurt me big time and I cried for nights. But I knew I needed to be strong. Not for them but for me. I knew that if P'Phupha dies, the Tian I knew and loved will die with him. 

But in some weird punchline from the heavens, P'Phupha awoke from his coma. I knew at that moment, my time with Tian was up. Why would I interfere to something that was destined to happen? It seemed that P'Phupha was just waiting for Tian to wake up, like some seen from some cheesy movie or lakorn. 

Piff! Ugh! I instantly became that third party in their BL love story. And being a lover of that genre, we all hate those love rival characters!