Passionate Choice

Chapter 5.6

   Selena let herself into her room, recalling Keith's bitter accusation that she was a cheat. How she wished that she had never suggested to him that they pretended they had never met. Why had she done it? To protect Ben from being hurt by the truth. Because Ben wouldn't understand, she had told Keith. But if Ben loved her, he wouldn't give a damn about what she had done four years ago. She didn't give s damn about his past. It didn't matter to her that he had been married and divorced. She wasn't jealous of his ex-wife. So why should knowing that she had an affair before she had met him upset him?

   'You're a cheat, Selena, and I don't much care for cheats.' How those sneering words of Keith's had sliced through her heart. They had hurt her far more that anything Ben might say to her, she realized.

   She sank down on the edge of the bed with a groan. Oh, what had she done? What had she done? In asking Keith to go along with her in the pretense of not knowing him and never having met him, she had forfeited is good opinion of her and lost any respect he had still felt for her by seeking a few moments of pleasure with him this afternoon.

   Which mattered to her the most? Keith's respect of Ben's? Whose love did she want the most? Keith's. The answer came up from the depths of her feelings unhesitatingly and she groaned again because she wasn't sure he loved her. He wouldn't have let her leave him in Nassau, if he had loved her. He wouldn't have thrust her away from him so angrily this afternoon if he loved her.

   She washed, changed her clothes and returned to the dining-room resolved to tell Ben the truth about herself and Keith as soon as the opportunity presented itself, while they were having dinner, if possible, before Bill Davis reappeared. Heather was sitting at the table with Ben, leaning towards him confidentially as she talked. Selena day opposite to him. He already had a plateful of food, served by Heather, no doubt.

   "I hear you're willing to go diving again tomorrow by yourself," Heather said.

   "Not by myself. I'll take Gary with me."

   "I think I might come out on the dive-ship with you," said Heather. "Everyone is leaving early in the morning and there'll be no guests coming in." She turned to smile at Ben. "You won't mind us going off together without you, will you? Elena, the housekeeper, will look after you, bring you anything you want."

   "I'd rather Selena didn't dive without me," Ben replied frowning. "Much better to wait for John Claes to come."

   "If he come," said Heather. "How do we know Keith Walker isn't lying about that, too? Besides, I don't want to be paying out for that ship to lie idle at the jetty." She smiled at Selena. "Do go and help yourself as usual from the buffet, Selena. Remember, no one is going to bring food to you. Only Ben gets special treatment while he can't walk about without pain."

   Taking the hint, Selena rose to her feet and went to the long table where the food was set out and helped herself to a slice of roast beef, some potato salad, a slice of corn bread and some tomato salad. When she returned to her place, Heather bounded to her feet and went over to another table to lean over her guests and make sure they were comfortable and all had what they needed.

   She overdoes it, thought Selena as she picked at her food. She's much too hearty and I loathe the way she touches people on the shoulder, breathed down their necks, overwhelms them with attention...