Passionate Choice

Chapter 5.7

   "Heather had just been remarking again how strange it was when that charter skipper thought he recognized you. Seems he know Walker, too," Ben's voice broke into Selena's thoughts and she glanced away from the shoulder-caressing Heather to him. He was staring at her from under frowning eyebrows. "How long did you stay in Nassau with your friend?"

   "With Sheryl? Oh, about three weeks." she replied casually, but felt herself to tense. Was the moment of truth closer that she had thought?

   "And where did you go after that?"

   "Where?" She was puzzled by the question.

   "Yes. Where? You didn't return to England, to the university. You didn't return there until the following October. I know you took a leave of absence." He smiled lightly. "A letter that came to the department soon after I'd taken over that January four years ago was from you. In it you write to say you would be absent for a few months and hoped you would be allowed to return next autumn to continue your studies towards a master's degree. I remember consulting Adamson, about you. He thought so highly of your work that he advised me to let you back into the department when you returned because he thought I might find you useful in the undersea explorations. So I kept a place open for you. But in the letter, you didn't say where you were going or what you would be doing while you were away."

   "You could always have asked me where I'd been and what I'd been doing when I returned," she pointed out.

   "Yes, I suppose I could. It just didn't occur to me at the time. I've always tried to treat my students with respect for their personal lives. I've always preferred not to enquire into their private business."

   "We have noticed," she said. "And have appreciated your professional attitude."

   "But the situation is different now, between you and me, Selena. You are no longer just a student of mine. You're an assistant lecturer in the department, a professional colleague and you are also going to be my wife. As a colleague, I wouldn't expect you to tell me where you went and what you did during that leave of absence but as the person you are going to marry, I am interested in anything you have done and would like to know more about you."

   How dry he was. As dry as dust, Keith had said. Dry, cold but indirect, going round a subject, explaining all the time, giving the historical background to his question. And how different from Keith.

   "It is still my private business," she murmured, playing for time and heard him sigh.

   "You don't want to tell me," he accused quietly. "You don't want to tell me because you're ashamed of what you did and where you went."

   She glanced up at him quickly. Had she been forestalled by Heather after all? Had Heather overheard what she and Keith had said to each other by the jetty on Monday night?

   "Ashamed?" she exclaimed angrily, but kept her voice quiet as his. "No. Never ashamed. I did what I did and went where I went because I wanted to. I also did it for love."

   "Love?" He was startled.

   "Yes, love. I guess that is something you don't know much about, Ben."

   "Selena, this isn't the place or time to discuss our emotions," he murmured sending sidelong glanced at the other tables. "All I did was ask a simple question."

   "About my past. If you loved me, you wouldn't want to know about it. All right, I'll answer your question, to show you I'm not ashamed of anything I've done. During those months I 'goofed off'. Know what that means?"

   "Er, yes. I think so. You escaped from your responsibilities." There was a note of censure in his voice and he looked like the severe and very critical teacher that he was.

   "That's right. I forgot all my responsibilities and my ambition. I went cruising with a man on his yacht. I had a wonderful time and incidentally I learned how to dive. Those nine months were the best months of my life to date and I'll never forget them. Or him," she finished defiantly.

   "Just the two of you on his yacht," said Ben tonelessly.

   "Just the two of us. Can you believe it of me?"

   "I don't want to believe it," he said sullenly. "I don't want to."

   "You knew before you asked me that question, didn't you?" she accused. "Heather told you. Well, now you know the truth, Ben, about me and Keith." She rose to her feet. "I'm going to bed now. I'm tired and I'd like to be up and off early to go diving. I'll just have a word with Heather on my way out. Good night."

   "Selena. Wait." He struggled to his feet, wincing as he forgot about his injured ankle. "Selena, I'd like you to know that knowing the truth doesn't make any difference. I still want to marry you," he whispered desperately.

   She went back to him, her attitude softening. Smiling, she kissed him on the cheek.

   "We'll talk about that tomorrow, shall we?" she said softly. "I hope you have a good night and not too much pain."

   "Going to bed already, Selena?" Heather had emerged from the kitchen.

   "Yes. What time would you like to go on the ship to the reef?"

   "The earlier the better for me," said Heather. "Could we leave around eight thirty?"

   "Fine with me, but we'll have to send a message to the ship."

   "I'll send Chuck down later."

   "Good. Oh, by the way, Heather, I've told Ben about the holiday I took four years ago, cruising among the islands, after I left Nassau. He'll probably tell you about it and you can fill in the details. 'Night."

   Leaving by way of the terrace, Selena sprang down the steps. She felt wonderful, as free as air. The load was off her mind. Ben knew about her affair with Keith and he still wanted to marry her. Now all she had to d was tell Keith that she didn't have to pretend she hadn't met him before and maybe she would win back his respect. She would have gone now to tell him, but Bill would be with him and, anyway, to visit  him on board ship even if Bill wasn't with him would be too risky. She might find herself wanting him to make love to her so she mustn't place herself in that position. She didn't want her to hear him call her a cheat ever again.