Trixie's lucky number was four. She loved it not only because it's Beyonce's locky number, but because she was born on April 4 (4/4), she has four older brothers, who were also born on fourths of months. She wanted four kids. She wanted four cars. She wanted four more days. And on her fourth anniversary with Beckett, he gave her a four carat diamond ring.
They had their first date on that same day that we met him at the mall. She never mentioned it to anyone else, but she ran out after him. She left me sitting there in the food court, alone, without a cell phone, for a guy who she didn't even know. If I had known what would have happened to her, I never would've avoided her for those two weeks that I did. I was just so angry at her for such a small stupid thing. But I held grudges, she held grudges, it's what we did best with each other.
After four dates with Beckett, she was in love. She didn't shut up about him. It was always Beck this and Beck that. I was the third wheel. Trixie never realized it. I didn't realize it until recently. They invited me on so many of their dates. They always took me places, introduced me to people, especially guys. I was their puppet and they pulled the strings.
I hate myself for talking this way about my dead best friend, but I just wish these problems could have been put to rest sooner. The only people I had to talk to were Trixie and Beck. Trixie's gone now and Beck's M.I.A so what am I supposed to do?
Trixie never came back to pick up her guitar, so I guess it's mine now. It's been sitting her since that dreaded night, just staring at me. Sometimes I feel like she sees me. "You should give it back to my brother, Birdie." She would say it as a joke even if she were dead serious. Her guitar was her escape. And now, it's gotta be mine.
I gave this one to her for her 14 birthday with a four sticker on it. I paid for it with my own money also, so technically it is mine. I don't even remember. Last time I played, I was four. And Trixie laughed at me the whole time. And I laughed with her. And we had fun.
To pull myself from my misery, I thought going to the mall would make me feel better. It' didn't. I sat at that table, ate the same meal and wished for both of my friends to sit there and reenact that whole conversation.
I think I really just want my friend back.
YOU ARE READING
Her Words, Not Mine
Romancemy best friend and I always told each other everything that was a promise we made to each other and after she died there was something I found out that I didn't know there was a lot I didn't know this is her story
