When the truth is revealed about what happened on the roof a week ago, it has a ripple effect that touches every member of BTS. On top of that news, the company has given Jimin only 3 days to prove he can still be a member of BTS due to his diagnos...
I have been so much better since that horrible night a week ago. That cold numbness that threatened to overwhelm me has been in retreat, I can feel again. My sound has not completely returned, but I have hope. I was able to blend, a bit, with those precious 6 sounds that night. It was if the sun had burned away the darkness.
But it appears it was only temporary. Now it seems the numbness is trying to creep back in. And today I have awoken with a great desire to cry.
I have not even gotten out of bed, so why do I want to cry? Not a big sob, not even weeping, I just seem to be leaking these gentle little tears. The kind I get when I watch something overly mushy. I need to stop this leak.
I can hear Hobi rummaging through the closet deciding what he will wear today. I lay still, I do not want him to know I am awake. I just want to stay curled up a bit more.
Hobi jumps on the bed and starts to poke me, "Jimin time to get up. I am going to keep poking you till you sit up. We have a big day. There is that new dance to teach the guys. Come on buddy."
Ouch, Hobi's knee hit the sore spot on my rump, that pinch left a bruise. I know he means well, but what I want to do today is make a cup of tea, curl up on the couch and watch some melodramatic show.
I realize he is not going to give up. "I am up Hobi. You can stop now."
Poke – poke - poke. In his J-Hope cheerful voice, Hobi says, "Sit up. You will go right back to sleep if you keep laying down."
Come on Jimin, I say to myself, time to put on a smile for the crowd.
I sit up with my eyes half closed. "I am sitting up. Stop poking me now. Please."
Hobi gets off the bed after he accomplishes his goal. "Just to make sure you keep moving forward, I am taking your new beanie with me. You get it back once you get to breakfast." He laughs and scoots away from my reach and out the door with the beanie.
I should get out of bed. I should clean-up. I should get dressed.
I slowly sink back down into the bed. Pull the covers over my head, curl up in a ball and have a little cry.
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Namjoon
I sit at the table, sipping on my tea, just watching the chaos in front of me. Sitting across from me is Jin and Jungkook. They are pushing each other around and Jin is bickering, but in a silly manner, at Jungkook about something which makes him laugh.
Tae and Jimin are goofing around with Hobi. Hobi is holding up something high, I think a beanie, that Jimin wants. I am pretty sure that Hobi has forgotten that Jimin might not be that tall but he can jump high. Jimin easily snatches the beanie from Hobi's hands but bumps into Yoongi on the way down making him spill a bit of the drink he is carrying.
I take another sip and smile.
Yoongi plops down next to me and watches the activities. "I told you they would work it out." He is referring to our conversation a week ago as we left the afternoon tv show. That was one of the worse and best days of my life combined.
Where I would be right now if I had made a different decision that day? I sip my tea again. What if I had decided to go solo? Would I even be in Korea right now? Or somewhere in England settling into a new life? A life alone.
I watch the new scene that is around me. Jin is cleaning dishes. Jimin is trying to get Hobi to lend him some of his clothes again. Hobi protests at the request, but does promise to take him shopping.
Tae and Jungkook are in the living room setting up for some gaming. They call Yoongi over to join them. Yoongi turns to me with a twinkle in his eye, "time for me to beat them again," gets up and joins the boys.
I take a sip of my tea and notice my cup is almost empty. "More?" Jin is standing next to me with some fresh tea.
"Yes, please." He pours me a cup then sits down next to me.
"You look like you were deep in thought."
"Actually, I was enjoying watching the ruckus." Jimin has joined the others in the living room sitting in front of Tae who is on the couch with Yoongi and Jungkook. They are cheering for something happening in the game. Hobi leans on the wall in the living room watching for a few minutes and then heads to his bedroom.
Jin has poured himself some tea. "Are you sure this is what you wanted" he asks as he takes a sip.
While I might be the leader of our group, Jin is my hyung when it comes to our group of brothers here. I had talked to him the other day about the decision I had to make last week. However, I have not told the rest of the members yet. I had to make a choice to stay the leader of BTS or go solo. Without any doubt I answered him "Yes, this is where I want to be."
"Are you ready to tell the rest of the members about the offer you turned down for us tonight at dinner?" I could tell Jin was checking in on my nerves.
I take a sip.
"Yes, tonight at dinner. I am going to double check that they will have a table for us at the eatery on my way in later." I had decided that this conversation would be better if it was just us, no staff, no managers, and away from the company.
I watch the group in the living room and chuckle as Tae stands up on the couch yelling at Jungkook to move his character or Yoongi is going to catch him. I say to Jin, "Why do they keep thinking they are going to defeat Yoongi, you think by now the maknaes would have given up trying to beat him."
Jin sips his tea, "The same reason you did not give up on us."
