The Line (discontinued)

hey brother prt1

''you look like shit'' Justin greeted me awe look at that my brothers first compliment ''you piece of shit I brought you food '' yeah it may have just been beef ramen but that shit is like heaven when all you've been eating is ration packs there was silence as we eat ''so dad called'' and we were ding so well I choose to ignore him burning my mouth in the process and fuck me it felt like I sucked satans tit that shit hurt but I wasn't gonna let him know that ''no ones seen you in a week he said '' still I didn't answer

 I mean what would I say oh yeah so I gave my kidney to a dying kid and throughout the day I was being treated like shit to someone who wanted me to trust them and someone who was supposed to...it didn't matter ''he also told me what happened'' he pointed to my stiched up side now he had my attention ''i called him a dick'' oh wow yep spluttering I nearly choked on my Pepsi waving Sargent David off who was to watch mine and brothers meeting over ''guess he took that well huh?'' I scoffed moving the pot of noodles away so I could cross my arms on the small table 

 ''Yeah, he actually agreed'' he chuckled but there was no amusement, the air turning stale ''you know...when I went out for the first time... I ah..I landed right next to a bomb shit my ears just...'' he trailed off shaking his head as i saw his hands shake ''wouldn't stop ringing '' i finished for him the distant memory of my own near-death coming in strong ''but as i laid there my life literally flashed before my eyes and....and..um..by the end i realised something'' he cleared his throat his eyes roaming the room a tactic i knew all to well to stop tears from falling

''i'm an ass-hole ''he abruptly stated well i couldn't disagree ''and...and so was mom'' okay that's newer so shocked my  eyes had widened taken back '' growing up i was so jealous of you'' welp guess we're dropping bombshell after bombshell

 ''you just knew how to do everything,you..you were so independent'' he sniffled with a wet chuckle still not looking at me until now the look in his eyes made my own start to well up no one looked at me like that with such understanding it was...new and diffrent and for that i didn't like it 

''but i realised you didn't get to choose ,you didn't get to choose to be independent you had to be, you taught your self how to cook, make clothes how to fight back cause no one showed you, you had to learn and I'm so sorry it took me only now to realise how fucking hard and scary that must have been for a child '' he Expressed with such conviction I wanted to believe he's sorry

 but all that pain and betrayal it doesn't just go away in a week but that didn't mean the tears didn't fall even when i tried to stop them for fuck sake ''I know...i know it will take years before you can ever truly trust me but please..please Don't give up...you're not beaten yet were voights were never easily broken'' he cried and I couldn't smile I couldn't join his little chuckle as tears ran down his face cause I didn't believe him ''then why do I feel so beaten and broken'' I almost didn't think he head me from how quiet I spoke

 ''because your forgetting who you are, your Sirena voight my big sister who once for my tenth birthday sold all her jewellery to buy me a game I wanted and pretended it was mom who brought it, you are a woman who literally saved the life of a child you never meet you saved the lives of so many and act like it was nothing, news flash it was something '' and as much i wished for it to make me feel anything other then whatever this was it didn't ''and yet somehow i am unloveable'' i didn't mean for it to leave my lips only to be the unspoken words that ran though my head time and time again 

''what do you mean unlovable?'' he seemed angry with furrowed eyebrows and mouth frowned in disbelief ''your team adores you, and no matter how much you say  your not you are dads favourite, the men here they literally cheer at the sound of your name and Choi he...''' now I did stop him ''no...no he doesn't '' there was a silence so close to the one I had with dad in the car when he asked me about Ethan '' what happened?'' he questioned staring down at my naked ringless hand it hurt so damn much i just... ''i wasn't the woman who he wanted and i could never be her so he chose another'' it hurt please just make it stop