You know just leave this town let me breathe – it’s for the best if you leave these few days so you give me time to think like a person instead of acting up like a hysterical wife over a nonexistent husband which is you in this case if you didn’t catch on that you’re the husband of the hysterical wife you made of me – I know you know I love you and regardless of that I want you to know that I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you – you know it’s raining you can just call them saying you don’t drive on wet roads or it’s raining you really can’t focus or just forget rain leave that to me just don’t leave I’d rather you stayed and we had tea again but I guess we never will – I guess we never will - I love you but I’m a ticking bomb here who will go on Instagram breaks out of nowhere and will ceasefire without warning and will eat baby food instead of actual food because I’m on a diet because of a pizza date I promised myself – you see I’m in a loop I’m in a fucking loop casting you in these romantic comedies where you don’t mind my borderline personality disorder and random destructive behaviours and fucked sleep pattern and unhealthy drug dependency and my deep need for change and destruction and re-construction of myself – I hate that I haven’t come an inch to a closure with my condition or this chapter of my life – I’m used to sticking onto a guy for months and not a year and more – this is going past a year and I’m not exactly happy (except when I’m with you) because this is going nowhere (except when we’re together) and our future is just in my imagination (except when you text back) so I don’t really know (except when you look me in the eyes) – so yeah live and let live – live and let me live – give me a break – I’m so much to take in and each time we don’t talk I just have to carry that burden with me to every toilet visit and conversation I have with anyone else – you don’t understand – I tell my coffee cups about you and they’re so over it because they never met you and they don’t think they ever will – I told my pillows about you and they feel sorry for me because I caress them as if they were you and it’s pathetic but it is what it is – and guess what I’m human – I have my insecurities and dreams and whatever – I’m a person – I do these things because I think things and feel things and overthink more and other things – it’s not complicated I’m just a person – and I guess it’s so much for you – I don’t blame you – I take my occasional breaks from who I am because it’s so much sometimes (most of the time or all of the time) – I am sorry for leaving without a note and ghosting you the love of my life – every time I pull away I love you harder and that’s me for now – sitting amongst the flowers and wishing it would rain so you can crawl into my bed seeking the comfort of my embrace – I’d look into your face and you’d love mine and nothing could hurt us – nothing can get to us – no career or creative block – just you and I – rain falling hard on a humdrum town – I’d taken enough to sleep alright – wrap you in nostalgia and love – sleeping together – I’ll never sleep again – you close your eyes and I sift through the astray strays of your curls – I will never sleep again – you remind me of all the trouble that left pain and white flower petals – the dream has gone and this is real – you’re in my arms tonight and I’ll never sleep again – I’ll crack your head open misplace the commas in your mind and put full stops to your anxieties – envelope all your secrets – land my love between your eyes until you think of nobody but me – and here we are – lying in my bed – I’m high enough to be shy of the fact that I got bored without you I had to stock up on drugs (again) – I miss you sometimes and it gets painful – save my life because I’ve only got one – the dream has gone and this is all that is real – don’t call me a cheat – sometimes you leave – you want to see me undo it – I wanna see you but you’re not mine – you’re in my bed and I’m not happy and I’m not sad – I am high enough to take away your troubles and do your laundry and cook your lunch and order your dinner and share your toilet seat and fight your demons to death and do your hair and draw your eyes with my fingertips over and over again until I can blindly depict the angles and soft curve and width and length of theirs and love you and love you and love you and love you and watch you – I know you know I love you and I want you to know you're everything I have left – I rid of everything until you were all I had left – you – terrorising my mental health with what’s on your mind – what’s on your mind – tell me everything – I’ll crack your head open and rewire your mind until all you have left is images of me – I’ve been watching you walk – I’ve been learning the way that you talk – I’ve been inside your mind – and I want to see everything – here we are in my bed – you’ve taken my pillows and I’ll never sleep – I am the only one who can watch you – I know it’s you who’s supposed to love me – the only option left is look and see inside your mind – the sky rumbles – the wind whips left and right and centre – the rain beats on the walls and windows and the back of our minds – the only option left is look and see inside your mind – I see you getting on with life – don’t leave me behind – I’m so high I can’t think straight – if you leave – you’ll just leave me to all the knowledge I have of hypnotics and psychedelics – I’ll envisage my thumbs rubbing the back of your hand and the inside of your thigh and I wish it would rain – to see you back in my bed on a scary dark winter night – I miss you – you are my home – tragically nobody’s home – I lost most of my money – and I have nowhere to go – so contain my chaos – please hold me close – tell me it’s alright – live and let live – let go of me – I don’t know who I am anymore – I’m just images of you smiling and talking and leaving me behind – I love you – come back – I’ll make tea – but here we are – lying in my bed – cuddling – you’re huddled up against me and I love you so much I’ll never sleep again – you’re ruining my head with what’s on your mind – I see images of you getting on with life – without me – I’ll never sleep again – I’d rather die –I’ll die right here – just here – I’ll lie in my bed wrapped in goodbyes and all my dreams of you – if you catch any, don’t blame me – I fell so hard for you and I was never caught
