Sympathy For the Devil

Prologue

You will never understand why I did what I did. Even I don't quite understand it. Looking both ways is easy enough. We learn to look both ways in grade school because we don't want to be flattened by a semi in the middle of the road.

But if I had looked both ways, my story wouldn't matter to you because I would've lived. My life would have been ordinary if I had lived from beginning to end. But we'll get to my fated death later. My story does begin with a death, but it isn't mine. It's my mother's. Emelie Lucas.

...

A body hitting pavement sounds like a clap of thunder demanding everyone's attention in the surrounding vicinity. The sound emulates throughout the night like a dark beacon.

Waking up from a dreamless state, my body sprawled out of my cozy bed and rose to a bone-chilling nightmare. A nightmare of a note was placed gingerly on my chest. But the contents of the letter would soon pierce my heart like a sharpened dagger. The faint scent of my mother's perfume clung to the folded-up piece of paper. Vanilla and Amber.

I'm sorry was written in a bold black font. I unfolded the letter to reveal the damning words that had taken my dreams and turned them into nightmares even as I sat up in bed wide awake. Perspiration made my body feel warm and clammy as the note nearly slipped from my hands.

Ellie, If you find yourself reading this note, you will know that I am no longer with you. Parting is never easy. Someday, I hope you will find it within your heart to forgive me for leaving you on this melancholy, and albeit confusing note. Unfortunately, I cannot expect you to understand my decision. No one is to blame for my death. But, I need to die so that you all can live. Live a long jubilant life not full of regrets. And not full of sacrifice. I love you all deeply.

Love, Mom.

A necklace fell loose from the paper. It was silver and had an intricately designed Celtic emblem on one side and a crow on the back. An omen of death and misery. My mom was always a very literal person. The necklace fell from my hands as its intent dawned on me. Those words etched into my mind like a tattoo. They echoed in my ears as if she was right here whispering them to me, but she wasn't here. She was no longer anywhere at all.

I felt like the wind was leeched out of my body. The note felt scorching hot in my clammy hands. I dropped it as it sunk to the floor with my last ounce of innocence. The words burned my retinas like a harsh ray of sun. And from the sound of the thud outside of my window, the contents were not only damning but soul-crushing. Deep in the pit of my stomach, I knew that my mother was dead, and in my cold hands were her last words. Yet, as I sank to the fluffy white carpet, her last words remained with me and crumbled to the ground like a paper bag.

Reaching for the wastebasket next to my clothes ridden nightstand, I threw up the minimal contents in my stomach before looking out my bay window to confirm the truth already planted deep inside my darkening mind. My face became drenched in sweat. I felt scorching hot like a flame had been lit inside my chest and ignited my heart, blowing my heart into chunks that could never be mended.

My throat was clogged to the brim with mucus. I couldn't breathe as the tears welled to the surface and pooled down my face in large streams. I didn't deserve to breathe if my mother no longer could. Once reaching the window, my suspicions were confirmed as a harsh reality. My mother was dead. Her head broke the surface of the pavement beneath my window. Her brain matter stained the sidewalk a rustic brown. Maggots were already gathering for a late-night snack.

Vomit rose to the surface again.

My stomach felt queasy, and my body felt weakened by the sight of my mom. Clamping my mouth shut, the vomit broke through the cracks of my lips and dribbled down my chin. Finally, I collapsed to the ground, vomit smearing across my face and entangling with my hair. My ruby red hair with unruly curls that now matted to the side of my face as vomit stuck the strands like glue to my cheeks.