Roses bloom but I bleed...

Two best friends

Sadness and depression, go together like two best friends. No matter what, they are inseparable. I had many encounters with them and believe me they were persistent with challenging my happiness. 

There were days where I was defeated by these two and it made me change into a different person. I use to love emotions, it was a source of comfort where freedom had no bounds. I always found it relaxing to express it and share it with my loved ones. If I was sad, I would show it easily but right now at this moment, it has become difficult.

With all the conflict that these best friends have inflicted upon me, I am keeping so many emotions inside of me, that the inner parts of me have been wounded severely. Sharing it now is a difficult process because it has become a norm that when we want to release all of it that people will judge us or we don't want to be seen as weak/vulnerable.

Nowadays I don't know what to say when my friends ask me if I'm "okay". I know they have good intentions to check up on me, but I guess when you face so many insecurities and waking up to reality it minimizes the words used to describe how you are. Back then, I would say I'm okay but these days I can't lie to them or myself. That is why I always try to change the topic as soon the question comes up because the emotions will appear.

Sometimes I catch the glimpse of my emotions, yesterday I was with my friends and we went to the park. I remembered I was sitting and looking at them by the swing. I was smiling at them wishing that their lives be filled with happiness. I felt so proud as I watched them, and I would often think that how do they have broken down, messed up individual like me as a friend. ( I am probably going off-topic but I guess we can accept it.)

Sadness and depression may have won many battles, but there is a war that has yet to be conquered. To all of those out there who face the same trial, I know things may seem gloomy but remember, you will find your reason to smile again.