Roses bloom but I bleed...

...

With all the wins, losses, sins, and blessings, I have always been a believer.

It's been quite some time that I have been on here expressing my thoughts to you, and in the time that I was away, I was drowning in the pressure and adversities of life. It is the story of my life, where every challenge is thrown at me, old and new but somehow I walk out of it differently.

It's been a few days now since a breakdown that I experienced and to be honest, it was a moment I wasn't proud of.  Tonight I am writing this with a clear mind because there are a few matters that I want to discuss with you.

So today, I met up with a buddy of mine, he and I have a very unique friendship. We talk a lot about life and especially the emotional aspects of ourselves. We went for a walk around the neighborhood and it was good for both of us as we needed to escape a bit from university. As we were walking, we talked about a variety of things, but there were two aspects that were very serious. The first one was about love, I mentioned that for the past months, I had this negative perception of it, the love that I get from my friends and family is completely different to love in a relationship with a significant other, and I couldn't give an actual reason for it. I began to realize that the reason that I had that negative view was that I didn't get the opportunity to be in a relationship yet. 

I'm not going to lie when I say I am scared of being in a relationship and being in love, because the flaws that are a part of me will always be a constant reminder of everyone thinking otherwise. My buddy understood this insecurity that I am going through, and he encouraged me to not always hide from love but to find it. The journey may seem long and time-consuming, the flaws will always be a part of you but don't let them block all the good qualities that you have. He is currently in a good relationship right now and he said that relationships won't always be perfect, there is always something you learn every day.

The second aspect was about faith. I know I don't bring it up here when I talk about problems, but it's an important aspect to me. Usually, when tough times occur, depression hits, and isolation takes place. What is worse is that I would distance myself from God. My relationship with Him hasn't been a good one, there would be moments when I would neglect him for worldly pleasures, and I would always bring my problems to him but there was always one concern that I wouldn't talk to Him about because I am still confused about it. These past few days were a wake-up call to build my relationship with Him. I mentioned to my buddy that I just want Him to give me the reassurance that everything will be okay and give me the patience to trust His timing, I just don't want to experience pain anymore but to finally get peace. My buddy mentioned to me that sometimes when we get distracted by life, being a sinner may make us feel as if we drifting away from God, but what's important is that we are still believers.

After the conversation today, I felt that was a development to change my whole perspective of certain things in my life. These past few days, I have been taking time to myself and spending my time with family and a few friends. It was good to laugh and have fun with them. I am just irritated that I still have assignments to do, but the road of my university life is coming to an end, God willing. 

Hopefully, I won't be that distant on here as well, but I wish that peace and love find all of you out there.

Till we meet again.