Reality Bites Me

The Dragon's Lair

The next morning I woke up around 9 am thanks to the sound of my mother's voice echoing in the house with her version of one of ABBA's old music tracks. Though in my perspective I wouldn't exactly call it singing.I don't mean to sound impertinent but my mother sings like a person that's got half a voice box. Mom, just because you're immune to the sound of your singing doesn't mean we'll survive through it.

Poor Frosty had her head under a pile of my dirty laundry. I guess dogs with their strong sense of smell can tolerate my stench but a dog's sharp ears can't bear momoa's bellowing.

I got out from bed and took a trip to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and wondered how on Earth Jess was going to transform my face from that of the frog version of princess Tiana to that of Scarlett Johansson. I was hoping she wouldn't end up emptying up the makeup kit resulting in me attending today's party as the Joker from Batman.

It was around 1 pm before Jess finally decided to show up. Did I mention she was coming along for tonight's affair. But I guess you already figured that one out. I mean how could momoa not invite her? Jess might as well be the reason behind the sparkle in my mother's eyes. Pretty sure it's not the lighting in the room.

She was already dressed and she immediately informed me of what she had on. She was donned in a red silk jacquard fil coupe mini dress which she accessorized with Dior rings, Chimento earrings, a swarovski clutch and red pumps. She didn't have much makeup on though. We planned on doing it together.

I stood in the middle of my bedroom wearing the dress momoa gave me and cleared my throat. Jess sprung around and her eyes lit up.I could see she had already artistically painted her eyelids with charcoal and applied a layer of thick blood to her lips but she still looked beautiful.

" Your mother was right Sam, the dress is perfect for you. Now we just have to do something about that face. "

I scowled at her "Jess I want rock bottom minimum makeup and none of your extreme makeovers because I don't want my skin screaming out to me due to suffocation."

"Alright but at least apply some red lipstick. It shows us your beauty"

"How is that MY beauty?"

"Ugh whatever, lets just get you ready!"

We got ready by 3:30 and were headed for the door. I grabbed the car keys and remembered what momoa had told me before she left. According to her instructions I was to leave the house without starting a fire or decorating the windows and doors with welcome banners for Goldilocks.

Jess was already out the door before I checked if everything was alright inside the house. I had already locked Frosty in the backyard.

I locked the door to my house and found Jess standing at the hood of a golden Mustang.

" C'mon Jess or else we'll be late. Mom said we had to get there before 4 or else we'll get our asses kicked."

I headed for the Ford parked in my garage but Jess wouldn't budge from her spot.

" Where do you think you're going?" she asked.

" To fetch my car, like duh!" I retorted, turning around to find a nefarious smile plastered across her oval shaped face.

"Oh Sam Sam Sam" she said in a hushed tone, "do you actually believe that I would be seen coming out of a vintage ford car?"

Definitely not queen Jesswhothehelldoyouthinkyouare? I was just heading over to the garage to fling myself over it so I could fetch a cloud from the sky for us to ride on! This is a new low even for her. She insulted my car on my face! Yeah sure it wasn't up to date but it sure as hell wasn't vintage!