Cascade of Healing Hearts [Fangirl & Idol Series #5]

seventeen

TW: Abortion | Death | Mental disorders

Mi primer amor

"Cut! That was so good! I can see your improvement, Zelena. Bagay na bagay ka talagang maging modelo." Nginitian ko lang si direk.

Napahawak ako sa tiyan ko nang bigla itong sumakit. Palagi nalang.. Ganito ba talaga 'pag buntis? Walang nakapansin sa 'kin kaya pinilit ko nalang na maging ayos.

Tinawagan ko si Yazielle at nakipagkita ako sa kaniya. Sasabunutan niya sana ako nang pigilan ko siya. Umirap siya at umupo na sa harapan ko.

"Bawal sabunutan ang jontis," nakangising ani ko. Tumawa saglit si mars bago siya natauhan. Namilog ang mga mata niya kasabay nang paghawak niya sa magkabilang braso ko.

"Anong jontis?! Gaga ka ba? Zelena... Sino ang nakabuntis sa 'yo? Si Blaze ba, ha? Tangina n'on!"

"No.. Just a random guy. Na-meet ko sa bar. You were right, the club isn't the place to find a lover, so you should go to a bar instead. But the problem is... I don't know where and how to find him. I want to have an abortion, mars.." I felt some tears fell from my eyes. "I am a model.. I'm pursuing m-medicine."

"Mars, ilegal ang abortion dito sa bansa natin. Hindi ako papayag na ipalaglag mo 'yan. Tutulungan kitang hanapin ang tatay niyan-"

"I am not as strong as you... You were able to raise a kid.. I can't do that, Eris." Yazielle looked at me with anger and sadness.

"Kung hindi mo siya kayang alagaan, ibigay mo sa 'kin. Ako ang mag-aalaga sa kaniya. Kami ni Tyrell ang mag-aalaga sa bata. 'Wag mong ipalaglag, Zelena..." That hit me...

I went back to C-box when my manager told me that we'll be meeting with my partner and his team. Kanina pa talaga masama ang pakiramdam ko pero pinilit ko na maging okay. Hindi p'wedeng ngayon pa ako maging mahina!

I was drinking from my bottle when a man sat beside me. Not just a man, it was the father of my child. I looked at him and was shocked to see him looking at me.

"Are you okay?" he asked with his brows furrowed. I just nodded. "You look.. pale," he added in a soft voice.

The director and cameraman told us to pose for a few shots. Xhaiven held my waist when I almost fell! I unconsciously hugged Xhaiven, making the staff look. I was so lost.. I felt so weak.

"One day, I'll celebrate Christmas with you again... I will. I promise," I whispered.

"Zelena, I'll wait for you to choose what you really want in life. Maybe, after that, we could start again and be happy with each other. I want you but this is not the perfect time for us-"

"Xhaiven! Zelena! Ano nanaman 'to, ha?! Nakakahiya kay Franzielle. Paano kung makarating 'to sa kaniya-"

"Shane, please, not now. Zelena is.. not okay." Binuhat na ako ni Xhaiven at dinala sa kung saan. The next thing I knew, we were inside his car and he was driving..

I felt like throwing up. I rushed to the bathroom to vomit. My stomach was hurting like hell... I didn't know what to do anymore. I unconsciously shouted Xhaiven's name...

The bathroom door opened and I saw him panicking. He went to me and helped me.. He cleaned me up and put me on the bed again. I already had an idea of what's going on. I forced myself to stand up.

"I have to go.." I swallowed.. He looked worried about me. "Xhaiv, let's be professional at work. No personal feelings involved.. I do not want things to be awkward."

"Zelena-"

"I'm okay, thank you. Stay here." I smiled weakly and walked away.

Days after that encounter with Xhaiven, I suffered from stomachaches and nonstop bleeding.. It wasn't normal anymore. I was putting my child at risk!

I smiled at my fans and left the venue. I told my driver to take me to the hospital. I need to make sure that my baby is safe. I looked at my phone when it suddenly beeped.

From: Unknown number

Zelena? I think I saw you. Are you okay now?

-Ethan

At first, I ignored the sender. But I suddenly remembered the young investor! Ethan Jake Hernandez! I opened my phone and texted him.

To: Ethan H.

Hi! Sorry, wala ka kasi sa pb ko kaya hindi ako nag-reply agad. Actually, papunta ako now sa hospi niyo.

Pagkababa ko ng kotse, sinuot ko ang sunglasses ko at face mask. May nakasunod lang sa akin na isang bodyguard. Maraming napapalingon sa akin pero hindi na nag-abalang alamin kung sino ako.

I went inside my OB's office. Ngumiti agad siya sa akin at binaba ang phone na hawak-hawak niya kani-kanina lang. She gestured me to sit down.

We were both shocked when the door opened. It was Ethan, wearing his white coat. He is a doctor?! Akala ko ay isa lang siya sa nagma-manage!

"You're a doctor?!" I asked. Napalakas pa ang boses ko kaya tumaas ang isa niyang kilay.

"I'll talk to you later. Dr. Asuncion, ikaw na bahala kay Ms. Dominguez, thank you." Kumindat sa akin si Ethan bago siya lumabas ng office ni doktora.

Sinimulan na ni doktora ang checkup and tests. Habang nasa kalagitnaan na kami, biglang kumunot ang noo niya. Kinabahan agad ako.. I'm a future doctor and malakas ang kutob ko na may masamang balita sa doc.

"Wala na siyang heartbeat..." Tiningnan ni doktora sa ultrasound at nakitang hindi na 'to gumagalaw.. "Ms. Dominguez, I'm sorry for your loss. Kailangan nating matanggal 'yan dahil delikado at baka malason ka."

The doctor held my hand when I started crying. I lost it.. Xhaiven's gone and now.. My baby's gone forever. I tried to tell myself that the baby was safe...

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and now I've lost a child.. I heard Dr. Asuncion talking to Ethan. But I was totally lost.. I couldn't process everything.

"Zelena," Ethan called me by name. I looked at him and tried to smile. He hugged me.. That hug made me cry harder. Sana si Xhaiven nalang 'yon.. "I'm here, sweetheart."

"K-Kasalanan ko kung bakit siya namatay... I am so stupid for forcing myself to work and study at the same time.. I was fucking aware that I was p-pregnant..." I held his coat tightly while crying.

"Shush, you shouldn't blame yourself, sweetheart. It was an accident, okay? It wasn't your fault. You just want to achieve your goals, that's all. You can cry all you want and get sad but please, do not blame yourself." He caressed my hair and comforted me with his words.

Xhaiven, after all these happenings, I think I can still smile for myself. I will eventually heal from the pain of losing my first and second love. I love you. Until our hearts collide again, mi primer amor.

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