Ah, yes. Death. Something edgy 11 year olds threaten with everyday, but always wuss out when push comes to shove. Here at the Immediate Murder Professionals, we can give 'em a push in a direction. Certainly not the right direction, but a direction n...
"Now that all three of youse are awake, we can finally start asking questions!" The male exclaims, loudly. The male takes the lamp, and shines it right in Blitz's eyes.
"Tell us, demon scum! Who do you work for? Satan?"
The female snatches the lamp and then shines it in Moxxie's eyes.
"How did you get to our world from the afterlife?"
Snatch, Jaeger.
"WHY ARE YOUSE KILLIN HUMANS!?"
Snatch, Blitz.
"When did you show up here?"
Jaeger groans, and admits,
"Alright fine! Just to shut you up, I'll tell you everything!"
Jaeger then goes on a whole spiel, barely taking a breath for about twenty seconds. 5he two agents try their best to write everything down, and somehow doing it, however barely. What they fail to realize, however,
"Hah! You just told us everything! When I send this to the brass, everyone will know that du kannst einen Dosenöffner ficken gehen, deine Mutter war eine Hure und dein Vater roch nach Holunderbeeren, und- Hey! This is all in German!"
Blitz speaks up, and the female let's go of the lamp.
"Alright, I'm gonna stop you there bitch. First of all, we just woke up from a veeery nasty shot. And I'm still feeling fucking woozy! So I'm going to request that you fetch us some coffee before we get into any questioning. I mean, everyone gets coffee in these shitty movies (unintelligible) right? I want something a bit iced, bitch! Jaeger?"
"Wood alcohol. And spike it with some of that tranquilizer you shot Moxxie with, Ja?"
"Mox?"
(A/N): you have no idea how many times I had to rewind to figure out what Moxxie says here. Anyway, *Inhale*
"I'll have a I'll have a Neopolitan cappuccino, more cappu than cino, make sure it's got no more than four ounces of milk, the beans won't have the right texture otherwise, and make sure they spell my name correctly on the cup they always put "Foxy" or "Roxy", I hate that. If you can't handle that, I'll have a Venti traditional Misto. Please use soy milk with two blond shots Affogato and Ristretto. I'd also love three vanilla pumps at the very bottom. Then, add the coffee after, then-"
The male breaks, and grabs his head in frustration.
"Enough! We aren't, gettin youse coffee"
Blitz sighs in defeat, and turns to Moxxie.
"Wow, I was getting major douche chills just there, Mox. Congrats!"
The female saunters over to Moxxie, and threatens him.
"If we have to use torture methods to get answers outta you nasty hell beasts, we will not hesitate! Ok!?"
Moxxie, unfazed, responds.
"When you mean tortured, do you mean physically, or physiologically? Physical seems counterproductive. If we'd like to, we could just tell you absolute lies just to put an end to the pain! And you would have no way of knowing if what we said is true!"
Jaeger pipes up,
"If you mean physiologically, then I would be completely immune! I went to high school twice! And I still don't know what a preposition is!"
Blitz turns around.
"And if you mean physically, we might like it too much! Then you'll have a whole new problem to deal with! Or maybe, it wouldn't be a problem for you two?"
The male point a skeptical finger at Blitz, and questions him.
"Now what exactly do you mean by that?"
"Ah, so you're stupid, huh? I can work with stupid, Daddy Likey Dummy!"
This absolutely sends Moxxie, causing him to break out in a wheeze, and slaps his feet (hoofs?) on the ground.
*pffffft* *hyena laughter* "Good one sir! Daddy Likey..."
Jaeger sighs, finally piecing it together.
"Mein gott, Blitz. 'Daddy Likey Dummy'? Is that why you always seem so pleased after every full moon?"
"You better stop laughin at us!"
The male grabs Blitz' jacket, and shouts in his face.
"Yeah! You! Are they ones, at our mercy!"
Moxxie turns around, grinning at the male.
"It's hard to resist, I'm truly sorry. It's just considering your approach thus far, you've had us locked in here for what, hours? And you haven't even had us confirm what exactly we are!"
The female bends down, with an inquisitive look.
"What are you?"
Moxxie's thoughts: 'I'm about to destroy this woman's entire career'
"I'm a Virgo!"
At this point, Jaeger was tuning everything out. He just about knew where this would end; A mom joke.
"Oh yeah? And who are you gonna call?" The male teases.
Yep, here it comes.
"Your fat, fucking mom, for riding my fat, fucking dick!"
The female speaks up, trying to defend her colleague, but failing.
"Jokes on you, 'cause his fat mom, is DEAD!" She motions over to the crying male.
Jaeger spoke up, not even looking at them.
"Bold of you to assume he wasn't aware of this fact!"
This goes on for some time
*le gasp* "Stop insulting my mother! She's dead!"
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The female rushes to her friends side, consoling him
"Hey, let's just leave them here, until they feel like talking"
As the two exit the room, Blitz sighs in relief.
"Don't worry, guys. If we keep being obnoxious, they'll eventually slip up, giving us an opening. Mox, keep fucking with them. Jaeger, just be yourself.
Unbeknownst to them, the two agents are listening to them from the other room.
"Hmm? So the demons wanna play games, huh One? (I'm just gonna stop calling them male and female. It's exhausting) well we can play games~!"
They both chuckle in victory, as One presses the "Truth Bomb" button.
