Something about the way Lisa calls Lila poopoo and Jennie calls Lisa the same nickname... just melts my heart.
//
It's a weird feeling. Lisa knows what love is. She knows about the feeling of love - and being in love. She knows how much she loves her mother, her father, her family, her friends. She knows how much love gives and takes and how consuming it can be. She knows, too, how much it destroys, how much it can hurt.
Love, even when reciprocated, is dangerous.
Lisa has also been privy to what it is to make compromises and promises and to accept this - and so many others - types of love. She knows the bliss of having her love - Jennie's love - for herself.
Ultimately, love is not something new for Lisa. Even before she was hurting because of it, and even hating to even feel it, it has always been a concept that Lisa was able to understand. In fact, more than that - Lisa loves by giving her all and never taking anything back. Lisa is selfless, loud, sweet and gentle in the way she loves.
It' s an odd thing to say, and even a little mean, but she would expect that the one going to freak out or have any doubts would be Jennie. But no, not for this kind of love. And it's not as if she has any doubts herself - no, never, let alone any regrets. But her love for Lila? How she feels seeing Jennie and Lila together?
Sometimes, she thinks her heart won't take it. Lisa knows how to handle love, the love she feels for her parents, the love she feels for Jennie, even her self-love. But Lila - Lila is the best and scariest challenge Lisa has ever faced in her life - which is quite something, considering the years of heartache she' s been through with Jennie.
Lila is her heart walking outside of her body. Lila is her hopes, dreams, ideals, wants, desires and aspirations translated into this tiny, soft, beautiful perfect human being. She is everything she wants to provide for, to keep her safe and happy and healthy and - simply do anything. And so much more.
Lila is the most precious treasure Lisa never thought she would find, and now she has her. And she is hers.
Perhaps, though, it's not just the fear of making the wrong decisions or not being able to protect Lila or make her fully happy. No, Lisa knows. She knows that she would do absolutely everything for Lila, and that doesn't even scare her like it should.
What scares her is knowing that for this little person, for this tiny baby, for her little girl, for her daughter - Lila feels the same way - Lisa is as important to her as she is to Lisa. Lisa feels her baby's love for her, how she' s soothed by the sound of her voice, how her eyes - the same eyes that Lisa has been in love with for so many years, in a miniature version of the other person Lisa loves most in this world - how her eyes sparkle and light up when she sees or hears or even feels Lisa's presence.
How Lila can't bear to be without the comfort of her arms, her skin, how her shoulder is her favorite place to nap. How the hair at the nape of Lisa's neck has gotten a little unruly since her daughter developed the habit of pulling on it with her tiny little hands that smell of baby powder.
So - yes. It is weird and terrifying and overwhelming, but there is no greater feeling in the world than knowing that her big, strong, powerful feelings are equally felt and reciprocated by her little girl.
//
"I've got her," Lisa murmured, pressing a kiss to Jennie's forehead. "Go back to sleep, baby."
Pulling back the comforter, she shifted herself to the edge of the bed, pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a flannel button down, rolling the sleeves up before easing off of the mattress.
"What if she's hungry?" Jennie murmured, fighting against the fuzzy edges of sleep.
"You pumped before bed. There are a few bottles in the refrigerator. I'll warm one up," Lisa whispered, walking around the foot of the bed and pressing another kiss to her skin, this time to her cheek. "You're exhausted Jen. You need your rest."
"You're tired too," she yawned, protesting even though she knew it was a losing battle.
"I'm just fine." She ran her fingers through the top of Jennie's hair before a second round of sniffles, slightly louder this time, sounded from the bassinet in the corner of their bedroom.
Lisa padded quickly toward their daughter, leaning over to see bright chocolate eyes staring up at her curiously, lit by the moonlight pouring in from the window.
"Are you hungry, poopoo?" she chuckled as she lifted her daughter up and the infant instantly nuzzled into her breasts.
Shifting Lila's weight, she made her way out of their bedroom and retrieved one of the small bottles from the refrigerator, singing under her breath to the little girl as the faucet's lukewarm water ran over the milk, warming it.
Minutes later, as her daughter's quiet protests became more vocal, a rarity for the child, she pulled the bottle from the sink, wiping it down quickly, and heading into the yet unused nursery.
Easing into the rocking chair in the corner, the room was illuminated solely by the light filtering through the curtains, washing over them both as Lisa settled Lila into the crook of her arm, offering the milk.
The pair let out a collective sigh of contentment as the rocking lulled them both into an easiness the daylight hours didn't provide. These were the moments she'd come to live for.
In the rocking chair, with her daughter snug against her body, Lisa felt as though nothing could touch the bubble of security the early morning stillness afforded them. She focused on the warmth of Lila's skin against her torso, the amazement held in her eyes, and the weight of the child in her arms.
She memorized her dark eyelashes, splayed across chubby cheeks and the tufts of hair covering her tiny head. She had, ever since Lila was born, taken hundreds of pictures of her daughter and Jennie, entranced by their communal beauty. But film couldn't capture the serenity that sated her, or the overwhelming bubble that seized in her chest when the little girl looked up at her, her expression full of need and, within that necessity, unbridled trust.
Lisa twisted slightly, placing the now empty bottle at her feet, rocking once more as she pressed Lila into her chest, patting her back gently as she sang lowly, feeling her daughter sink into her chest as her breathing slowed.
Peering down, she saw her child's clenched fists had loosened, resting flat against her breast as soft puffs of air fluttered across her collarbone. She eased herself out of the rocking chair slowly, hoping not to jostle Lila and have her wake up before she'd managed to settle her back into her bassinet. Turning toward the door, she saw Jennie leaning into the frame, a lazy smile tugging at her cheeks.
"What?" Lisa whispered, unable to contain her own smile.
"I just love seeing you with her," Jennie shrugged. Lisa flushed, ducking her head slightly, using their daughter as a buffer as she nuzzled into the top of her head. Jennie reached forward, tucking her fingers beneath the blonde's chin, lifting it so they made eye contact once again. "I'm really proud of you, poopoo. You're an incredible mother."
"Tell me that again in fifteen years when I want to strangle her for sneaking out to a party."
YOU ARE READING
Developments // Jenlisa
Storie d'amore"I'm in love with you," she whispers, her voice breaking. Jennie's face softens completely. "So much that I think it might kill me, except I don't even like you right now. I don't even know who you really are. I don't even think you do." She shrugs...
