"Ashley come on, open this god damn door," I said, starting to become impatient. I'd been sitting outside of her door for at least twenty minutes, and the only thing I heard was her crying. I understand that I shouldn't give up hope so fast, but what else was there to think? Of course I want to be optimistic, but I've never gotten a good handle on that concept. After another ten minutes of uselessly trying to get her to open the door, Mrs. Benson got involved.
"Ashley Grace Benson, you open this door right now!" she yelled. We heard the creak of her bed and the soft click of the door being unlocked.
"There you go sweetie," Mrs. Benson said calmly. She had the worst mood swings of anyone I had ever met. I opened the door, and found Ashley where she always was when she cried. Curled up under a mountain of blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals. I sat on the floor, not saying a word, knowing she'd speak at some point.
Finally, she said,"You fucking suck Sam."
I laughed and shook my head then said,"Well thank you Ashley, I appreciate it. While that may be true, I can't have you being angry at me."
She sniffles and grabbed the tissues. After untangling herself from the blankets and other various items on the bed, she sat across from me on the floor.
"Did you want to talk about it?" I asked cautiously, knowing I was probably in for some screaming.
She looked down at her nails and muttered something I couldn't understand.
"What'd you say?" I asked.
"I said that it kills me that if I die it will effect you for the rest of your life, Sam," she said.
I didn't know what to do, what to think, and most definitely not what to say.
I thought a moment, then said,"You're my best friend, Ash. You can possibly expect me to not be upse-" I was interrupted halfway through my sentence.
"No, Sam! That's not how I want this to be! Maybe I'm fucked up now and I can't control what happens to me but I can control what happens to you and I refuse to die knowing that I left you behind to a life of misery!" She yelled.
"And I know I'll get worse and it'll make your life harder. I'm going to appointments with my mom know, and I don't want anymore visitors at the hospital, or my house," Ashley said.
I wasn't going to argue with her. She'd been through enough that day, and maybe she was just tired. I nodded my head, grabbed my bag, and slammed her door as I left. I was furious. Not so much at her, although that was part of it, but at the knowledge that I was trying to fight something I couldn't see. I couldn't win this battle with harsh words or flying fists, quite honestly, I didn't have a say in this battle at all. I walked out of the front door, got into my car and peeled out of the driveway, nearly bumping the car behind me. Tears blurred my vision and anger clouded my thoughts. I made it home somewhat safely, and walked upstairs to my room. I had six new texts, and three calls. Four texts from my mom and all three calls as well, but surprisingly enough, Madison had texted me.
Madison: I know Ashley had an appointment today. Wondering if you were free after? Got an extra ticket to the Tigers game.
A baseball game sounded great right about now. Especially a Tiger's baseball game, considering everyone knows if you slip the guy at the alcohol cart a few extra bucks he'll "forget" to ask for your I.D. I texted her back and said it sounded great. She drove over and we went to the game. She had great seats, right behind home plate. We took advantage of the alcohol cart guys bad memory, and had a blast. Maybe that wasn't the best way to block things out, but it sure was a lot of fun.
