Life's Worth

Prom Season

A/N: Yay, double digits! This chapter is a milestone in the plot, so prepare yourself.

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Life was certainly a roller coaster in the weeks that passed. During this time, I had tried to convince myself that I didn't love Craig. Then I began to think of how he wouldn't even love me back even if I loved him. These thoughts would eat away at me, and I would relapse, making me sink into a pit of self pity soon after. Despite this, it seemed as if I were getting better. Maybe it was just because I usually went crying to Craig about my feelings rather than hiding them. It was a step, even if it was a baby one.

At some point, I had decided to pay Craig back for what he gave me, and a vape seemed like the perfect idea. Of course, I couldn't afford a new one, which is why I searched eBay. I found one that was surprisingly cheap, and the seller had a good rating. So, I crossed my fingers and hoped to God it wasn't a scam.

It was shipped from somewhere inside the state, and arrived a few days later. To my relief, it was in almost brand new condition.

I decided to text Craig and arrange a day to give it to him. Can I come over after school?

Sure. You're always welcome at my house.

Well, that was easy. I didn't really know what else I had expected. Maybe a "I have to work" or something that was possibly just a lie to get away from me.

Either way, it was settled, so I went home with Craig after school. On the ride to his house, he would glance at me every few moments, but wouldn't say anything. I wondered what he was thinking.

"What are you smiling about?" he finally asked.

"You'll see."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you'll see later."

He sighed. "Yes, I know that." He muttered under his breath, "You and your indirect answers."

Once we were behind the closed door of his bedroom, he turned to me. "Okay, out with it. What is it that I'll see?"

I set my backpack down and fished around in it before pulling out a small black case. I handed it to him.

He examined it, a puzzled look on his face. He then opened it up to reveal the dark blue vape along with the e-juice that goes with it. He glanced between me and the item in his hands, silent a moment. I began to think that maybe it was a bad idea, that maybe he didn't like it, but he finally spoke up. "I- uh- you really didn't have to pay me back or anything. This is just- wow. I-"

I intertwined my fingers with the braided yellow pieces hanging from his hat, pulling him closer and meeting our lips. I don't know what came over me, I just figured it was the best way to make him shut up and stop stumbling over his own words. The kiss was brief, no longer than a couple seconds. "Just hush and accept it," I said, mimicking his words. He stared at me, now speechless, and it was then that I realized what I had done. I quickly pulled away. "Fuck, I- I'm so sorry." I turn and run as fast as my legs will carry me, not turning back even when he called after me.

I fucked up. He's going to think I'm trying to play him. He's going to think I'm an idiot. He's going to hate me, I thought. I fought back tears as I ran home, wanting the blade to comfort me yet again.

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It was during the wee hours of the morning when my phone went off, quite loudly might I add, waking me up. I checked it, squinting at the bright screen, to see a text from Craig.

You up?

I am now. What's up?

Sorry, didn't mean to wake you. I'll let you go back to sleep.