Call me kitten (boyxboy love) ✓

52. Meet half-way

I didn't have the energy to go to Nathan, as I had planned to do. The tension from the visit to the detention center and what Ash had said had drained my body, the strength it had taken to just stand up to him had sucked the breath out of me completely so I went home instead. What could I do at Nathan's place anyway? I might as well call him instead.

It was hard not to let my own selfishness get the better of me after I'd told him what had happened, what accusations Ash was facing. If only Nathan would open his mouth, it would all be over. But I knew it wasn't that simple. I just wanted it to be. And I could tell from Nathan that he was having a hard time dealing with what I was saying. He probably understood what I wanted deep down but didn't want to pretend like he did.

It was easier to talk to my dad. He stuck strictly to his role as a lawyer and didn't involve emotions at all. The only time I could hear even a glimpse of what he was really feeling was when I told him that I had failed to persuade Ash to tell the truth.

"I'm sorry, Jamie, but I can't lie and say this is gonna be easy," he muttered. "There's not much going for Ash right now. But you know I'm doing everything I can. I'll try to get him out on bail, but it all depends on whether the judge agrees to it and how high bail he sets. Do you know if Ash has any money set aside?"

Hell, as far as I knew, Ash only had the money he had in salary every month and nothing more. He was living hand to mouth.

"No, I don't think so," I replied, feeling the cold sweat start to run down my back. "He... probably doesn't have any money at all."

"So, that bad, huh. Well, we're not there yet. We'll deal with that problem when it comes, ok?"

"Ok," I whispered into the phone.

"Your mom says hello, by the way."

"Say hello back."

I let the phone slide down between my legs onto the couch and put my arm over my head, closing my eyes. Being this paralyzed made me insane. Not being in control of what was happening, not being able to affect anything at all. It gnawed at me like an animal, sucking all the power out of me. I was so incredibly tired. All I wanted was to get Ash home. I missed him so much it made my skin burn.

***

Something was ringing and I sat up, dazed. Apparently, I had fallen asleep, or just collapsed, on the couch and now the front doorbell rang. Quickly I went over in my head who it could be and concluded that it could either be my sister or some idiot who wanted to sell things. Or save my soul if I was really fucking unlucky. My back cracked as I stood up and I grimaced at the pain. If Ash had been here, he'd have offered to give me a massage. I smiled at the thought. The massage he had given me in the past had rarely stopped at just massage. Never, if I was to be completely honest.

It was dark outside when I looked in the peephole, so apparently the person outside hadn't bothered to turn the lights on in the rise and that usually just meant they didn't want to be seen. So, salesmen. But I opened anyway. Outside was Simon. I didn't understand a thing.

"Did you forget something here?" was the only thing I was able to get out when I let him in.

He smiled and shook his head.

"I heard what happened," he said. "Can I come in for a while?"

I nodded dizzily and went ahead into the living room, where I sat down on the couch again. Simon sat down in the recliner, and I noticed him looking at me intently. It felt strange to be sitting here with him without Ash next to me as a sort of security blanket. I had no idea why, Simon wasn't dangerous in any way, I knew that, but in the fragile state I was in now, I suddenly felt strangely exposed.