All my life I have been trying to survive I forgot that I once wanted to thrive and be and do all kinds of things. I wanted to own my farm, to be a mother... have a husband, live a very happy and beautiful life. but that wasn't quite how my story has gone so far. I have not experienced a day when I wasn't fighting, whether that be in my head, nightmares, keeping myself from breaking down, dealing with my abusers, and so much more. The time I have spent with Chris and the boys reminds me that I was once happy and carefree and that hurts, but I hope one day I can go back to that carefree happiness and peace.
As I walked back with Chris I wasn't sure what I was feeling, there were all kinds of emotions, from fear, peace, anxiety, and I started to feel like I didn't have solid ground to stand on. I started to shake and the next thing I knew Chris was standing in front of me holding my upper arms trying to talk to me. I couldn't focus on anything, my brain was spinning, my world was spinning. I felt the weight of this life on my shoulders and I was falling. I started to fall and Chris grabbed me and carried me home. He somehow knew exactly what to do, he got me a rag with cold water on my head, took off my shoes, and socks to let heat out, and he hummed a song as he held my hand, reminding me I wasn't alone.
I eventually came out of it and I started to breathe a little easier, I am sorry Chris, I... hey don't apologize to me I understand, and I am here if you need anything. I just felt like my world was spinning and I got overwhelmed I'm .... don't you dare say sorry Bella. you have been through more than your fair share, I think it is time you lean on others to take some of the weight off your shoulders. Let me help Bella, let me help you save the world... and yourself. I was not sure how he knew what was going on in my head but I was grateful for once I didn't feel like I had to explain myself, my actions, or anything else that was bothering me.
As I lay there trying to get my strength back I looked over at Chris, he was worried, he looked almost... scared, I had never seen him look like that before. At that moment my hand had a mind of its own. As Chris turned back towards me my hand went to his face, Chris I said softly, everything is going to be ok, I am ok, you are ok, everyone here is ok. He leaned into my hand and as I spoke he let out a deep sigh, it was like he had forgotten to breathe. He then looked at me I should be the one telling you that he said with a half-smile. I think you needed it more than I did.
Chris and I just sat there for a while enjoying each other's company and not having to fake anything. I felt like I was seeing Chris for the first time. He looked tired, the kind of tired I had seen on my face many times, the kind where you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, that it all depends on you. Bella, how did you do it? Do what? How did you escape and how do you live with everything you went through? They had grown to trust me, they figured I had been there so long and was so weak that I wouldn't run, after all, where would I go? But I did I knew their habits, and I ended up getting out and helping a few others too.
I won't let them win, they wanted to ruin me, leave me hollow, empty I live so that one day I can take back what they took from me, from my home and so many others. one day I will look them in the eye and they will know exactly who I am, and that their days of causing pain are over. But I don't just live for revenge, years of my life were taken from me if I don't live my life the best I know how then I am failing myself, Sue, and the fact that I got a second chance to be more and help others do the same.
Chris looked at me and sighed, before I got my current job I was just a simple man in the military, they would send me to different parts of the kingdom with my men and we would keep order, or so we thought. Looking back I was a monster and I let so many innocent people die, I made bad calls and my men died. I don't know how to live with that Bella. Christofer, you are a good man, who has made mistakes, we all have. The best way to move forward is exactly that, you need to leave that in the past and do everything possible to be the best man that you can be now. Take what you learned from past mistakes and others' mistakes and do better.
As we talked we didn't even notice that the sun had come up and that the day was going to be starting soon. Bella, it's time for breakfast will you come downstairs, please? Chris left and changed and I changed and got ready for a new day surprisingly I wasn't tired I had more energy than before. I walked downstairs and helped Sue, today I wouldn't be going to town, it was a harvest day, and the boys were heading back to the capital tomorrow morning, so we were doing a big dinner and saying goodbye.
After breakfast, the boys helped clean up and I went to the garden to start gathering all the food that had become ripe, the boys and Sue soon joined me outside. It took us a few hours but we got it all done and then to the barn we went to get the milk and eggs from the animals. It was almost time for dinner when we finally finished, we probably would have been done sooner if there was less messing around, but that is ok it was fun.
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Aligning my own Stars
Aktuelle LiteraturI was a girl who went through a lot of pain at a very young age, my parents died, I was taken, abused, after feeling so loved, I was beaten, bruised, and a mess and this is the story of how I chose my own life, my own ending and the path that lead t...
