I woke up in the middle of the night with another nightmare again, and this time Aunt Sue is there holding a glass of water, a sad smile on her face, and love in her eyes that reminds me of my Mother. Sweetie, you ok? Yeah, I'm fine just another nightmare. I thought after all these years they would have gone away but they come almost every night, and every night even if it's hard Sue comes to help me through it.
Did I wake you? Oh, don't you worry about that sweet girl, what was this one about? My parents and having to watch them die... Sometimes I wonder if I will always be that scared little girl... Reading my mind Sue gives me a hug and says you are so much stronger than you were, and you lived, now the hard part is walking out the other side. She gives me a hug and says see you in the morning sweetheart, and heads to bed.
The next morning I wake up and I am a little tired but that is not unusual, I bathe, get ready and head downstairs to go get breakfast ready before I go to town. After breakfast is ready I go get Aunt Sue and we eat the eggs, bacon, and fruit. I clean up and go get the cart and veggies I'll be selling today. As I head to town I can't help but think about my parents, and all the things I had to endure all those years. It is not unusual for me to have more than one nightmare a night but it is very taxing. I know that I am a lot stronger than I used to be but there are fears that no one else can understand. I wonder what people would think if they knew what I went through all the pain and the hardships. Would anyone want to be with me I mean I am so broken and have been through so much? I have scars and in some people's eyes, I am not pure anymore. I made it home but now what, I mean who would want a broken girl like me? Someone who wakes up in the middle of the night with nightmares about things a lifetime ago, or a woman who refuses to ever be weak, or hurt like that again.
I know that some of these things are things that are odd or what seems impossible but in all honesty to me, they are not they are realistic and it hurts. I would be ok if I was on my own, I can take care of myself, I am a hard worker, I am clever I would be fine... but I don't want to be alone. I was alone and I never want to feel that way again, no one should. I don't want anyone to ever feel that way, ever. I wish that I could take all of the pain and hardship that I had to go through away and all the things that others have had to go through and just make it disappear. But I can't it doesn't matter how hard I try there always seems to be another bad person out there trying to hurt someone.
Bella! Hello? Oh sorry, Mrs. Hanson, I got in my head again, what can I do for you today? It's ok Bella, all young girls daydream a little. I'll take some corn, and tomatoes, you guys always have the best tomatoes. Thank you Mrs. Hanson Aunt Sue will be so proud to hear that. Have a wonderful day! Hello, Blake how is your mother doing? She is well thank you, Bella. Ya know can I have five potatoes she always loves good potatoes soup and you always have the best. Of cause, on the house tell your mother to get well for us, won't you? Yes, thank you so much! This is my life... I wake up with nightmares and then I am here, not that I don't love it but It can be hard. sometimes the wind blows the smell from the leather shop my way I can smell the burning flesh and it brings back all the horrid things that happened. It doesn't just go away no matter how long it has been sometimes it makes it worse.
I have lots of good days but there are days that I feel like I am being beaten to the curb over and over again. On those days I just remember that I am here, I lived, I made it home. I was smarter, quicker, and I have to still be here for a reason right? I know I am not done yet and that I have more of a fight in me. After all, I have been fighting all my life, for food, to stay alive, to get their favor so I could eventually escape. All I can remember is fighting back and never giving up. I had a reason and I still do. I don't want people like me to ever have to live in fear ever again. I don't want my people or any people to go through what I did ever. Not again...
I am going to fight back for my people, for myself, I am going to end the pain that so many people have had to go through. That was when I decided that I would fight for those who can't fight back, for those who are being treated badly, mistreated, or abused. I am going to use what I know to look out for others. I am tired of sitting around and waiting for things to change when it never does. I am going to make the change.
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Aligning my own Stars
General FictionI was a girl who went through a lot of pain at a very young age, my parents died, I was taken, abused, after feeling so loved, I was beaten, bruised, and a mess and this is the story of how I chose my own life, my own ending and the path that lead t...
