The fear of falling apart (Frerard)

Chapter 5

My mum decided I was feeling well enough to go to school the next day, and I was okay with that. I knew I was going to see Gerard. We have algebra together and that means I have the whole 45 minutes to admire his beauty. He even called me last night. I don't know how he got my number, but now I have his too. He wanted to check if I was okay since Mikey didn't tell him that mum picked me up. Then we just talked for hours. I never had a conversation that long over the phone, not even with my mum. I could never get tired of his voice. It was weird for me. It's like I entered a whole new universe. I think I actually have friends, my mum is somehow nicer to me and the razor blade hasn't even had time to touch my skin. It's been all so confusing for me and I'm not going to relax just yet. Something strange is going on here and I won't let my guard down until I figure out why is Mikey offering his friendship to me, why is my mum acting so strange, how does Gerard know about my scars and how can I make sure he won't use me as a punching bag when I get more comfortable around him. I'm scared of getting hurt. Before my dad left he used to beat me, shove me around and throw empty bottles of alcohol at me. This is pretty much the only memory I have of my childhood. I should love my mum way more than I do because she took me away from him and I'm thankful for that, but I know that she doesn't want me as a son. It's always ''I don't like that'' or ''Get your grades up'' or ''cut your hair'' or ''You should stop wearing black'' or ''eat the meat'' when she obviously knows I don't like it. She wants the perfect son who gets all A', wears colourful sweaters, is always happy, plays piano and is straight. She doesn't know I like guys, but I don't really think she would be too happy about it if she found out.

''Frank?'' The door opened and my mum stuck her head inside.

''Yes, mother?''

''Why are you still in bed?'' She chuckled at my response.

''I'll get up in just a second'' She gave me a nod before exiting my room and closing the door behind her.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. my head still hurt a little, but I was feeling a lot better. I searched around my room for clean clothes and made my way to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and looked at the figure standing in the mirror. I was still wearing Gerard's black sweater. I took it off even though I didn't want to. It was warm and it reminded me of him. I focused my gaze on the mirror again and observed my cuts. I touched the same spot as Gerard did yesterday. A tear rolled down my cheek as the memories came back. The scar was from about three weeks ago. The bullies found out I was moving and wanted to get one last laugh. I was practically running for my life through those dark streets, the only light leading me was the reflection of the moon in the puddles that were loudly informing the bullies where I ran. It wasn't too long before lightning appeared on the dark sky, flashing before my eyes and making me fall on the ground. I couldn't even count how many guys were there before I blacked out after the stinging pain.

I pushed my past aside and slowly got ready for school.

*

Finally. Algebra. I don't think I was ever so excited for algebra.

I walked into the classroom and saw Mikey waving at me. I sat in the free chair by him and said a quick hello. I looked around with the mission to spot Gerard. This class was different from the others. The tables were different. They were ''two person tables'' unlike the others, and you could only see a person's upper body when they were sitting. I assume it was pretty easy to text during the lesson. My gaze caught the back of Gerard's head and on his table there was a laughing Jason poking and teasing him with the rest of the guys.

''is he your little fuckbudy or something?'' Jason teased Gerard while pointing at the curly haired guy sitting next to him.

''You're just going to let that happen?'' I looked at Mikey and pointed at Jason.