✔︎ unrequited flowers | nishimura riki

XXVI

"Where's all your things ? It's empty here- well except for flower petals everywhere." Ni-Ki asks as he wipes his tears. "I moved in with Sunghoon actually. He took care of me for the time being but two days ago..." There was silence before realizing what happened between her and Sunghoon. She felt so guilty. She shouldn't have yelled at him for saying what he needed to, She neglected his feelings.

"What happened ?" Ayano looked down in her hand where a few flower petals sat. "I had a small fight with him." Ni-Ki smiled slightly. "Then what are you waiting for ? Let's go and make up with him. I don't think Sunghoon's that type of person to be angry with you forever. I'll help you." Ayano nodded before Ni-Ki helped her stand up and got ready.

Sunghoon hugged her tight as soon as she arrived at the appartement. "I missed you." He whispers before slowly letting go after hearing Ayano choked. She took out her handkerchief and coughed in it, revealing blood and flower petals. Ni-Ki held her tight so she wouldn't stumble down. Sunghoon stayed with Ayano as she explained the current situation to him.

Ni-Ki helps Ayano grab some of her things, and they go to leave. Ayano wanted to bid a proper goodbye to Sunghoon as Ni-Ki told her he'll wait for her outside. "Are you going to be okay?" Sunghoon looks her up and down, with worry on his face. "Yeah, I'll be fine." She tries to smile, but Sunghoon doesn't look convinced. 

"You'll let me know if you need anything, right?" Sunghoon puts his hands on the girl's shoulders."Of course, thank you for everything." Sunghoon pulls Ayano in for a hug, and she grips the back of his shirt, breathing deeply through the pain still settled in her chest, until he pulls away. With one last glance, she waved, walking out the door to meet Ni-Ki.

When they got home, meaning Ni-Ki and Sunoo's apartment, Ni-Ki immediately pulled Ayano with him to his bed, his eyes drooping. He lays down, and Ayano lays with him, her head on his chest. Ni-Ki's smell envelops her, his warm hands holding her. Ayano breathes deeply, the warmth bleeding into him, until she starts coughing. She briefly remembers the last time they cuddled after watching a movie.

The ceiling window, watching the clouds dusted a pretty gold and faded to orange and pink while the sun set over the horizon. Her favourite place, Ni-Ki's family house located on the slope of a mountain, overlooking a large part of the city they lived in. The city looked so quiet and far away from up on the mountain.

Ayano has to sit up, her throat closing, but Ni-Ki's right there with her, his hand rubbing her back like Sunghoon had done before. Ayano thinks that the feeling of Ni-Ki's gentle hands and smooth voice is like heaven after being without him for so long, too long."It's okay Ayano, I'm here for you now, you're okay." Ni-Ki speaks softly.

The tone made Ayano's stomach flip, her coughs subsiding for the moment, leaving her throat scratchy. She doesn't understand how being near Ni-Ki can be so soothing to her, yet at the same time her body tries to refuse it, the stinging in the back of her throat still residing when Ni-Ki helps her lay down again.

This was their routine for the next month. Ayano is still unable to go anywhere, and Ni-Ki rarely goes to classes, although Ayano encourages him to. Ni-Ki spends nearly all of his time with Ayano, almost always with some point of contact between them. It's not often that Ni-Ki doesn't have his arms around Ayano, pressing kisses on her cheeks and her hands. Whenever they're close, he whispers to her how much he loves her.

Being near Ni-Ki makes Ayano feel complete, whole. It's everything Ayano had ever wanted. Sunghoon was looking over Sunoo at Ayano's tree, even overlooking Ni-Ki and Ayano through the clouds, feeling happy. Sunoo didn't feel a tint of jealousy. He knew Ni-Ki was really desperate to help Ayano, she was his last hope.

But as time passed, Ayano's condition still worsened. Despite Ni-Ki's best efforts, his scent, or his kiss will trigger something in Ayano, leading to another round of coughing. She always locks herself in the bathroom when she feels the recognizable pull in her chest, choosing not to subject Ni-Ki to the sight of countless white and pink petals falling from her lips.

Although she knows it hurts the other that he can't help him through it.

Ayano feels like her body is at war with itself.

She can't ignore it anymore when she spends most of every day pulling roots and petals from her throat until her eyes are watering and her chest is heaving. Ni-Ki tries to talk to her about it, concerned, but Ayano brushes off his words, instead curling up in his lap, her face in his neck, Ni-Ki's hands hesitantly placed around his waist.

Ayano watches as Ni-Ki grows ragged, his pretty features marred with exhaustion from being woken up by Ayano coughing at every hour of the night. The boy never once complains, always there for her. However, more than once as Ayano comes out of the bathroom after a long bout of coughing up petals, she catches Ni-Ki alone, crying heavily, gasping as he tries to muffle the sounds.

He wipes away his tears when he notices Ayano, gulping down his sobs and opening his arms for him. The girl soon learns that asking him about it warrants no answers, only empty reassurances. As the days go on, Ayano's disease progresses until she can barely eat, can barely stand without feeling faint. The girl only gets small moments of peace in between coughing where she can rest, although she stopped being able to sleep, even with Ni-Ki's warm embrace. 

Sunghoon visits her often, offering what solace he can. Ayano still enjoys talking to him when they do, finding comfort in his smiles. She can pretend everything's okay, even for a little while. Even if she can see the grief in Sunghoon's eyes.

Ayano knows when she doesn't have much time left, can feel her body ready to give in to her sickness, and she decides she can't leave without saying goodbye. She wrote letters to Sunoo, Ni-Ki, Sunghoon and her dad who she was not sure where he was but she was still pouring her heart out to the letters and sealing it away in envelopes.