I Am Seer - Book 3

Chapter 2 - Actions & Consequences

8 Months Previously

You are going to die.

The words echoed in my brain, and the cold reality of the whole situation gripped my organs and tied them in knots. Somehow, the long hours of the night had turned to grey morning while I sat in the corner wondering if I was going to wake up. My knee joints creaked as I shifted position slightly, reminding me just how awake I was. Sitting here all night had not brought me any clarity, and the loud uproar from the day before swam through my head on repeat.

During the course of the night, Esah—and later, who I could only assume was Martimus and some or all of the others—had knocked on the door to check on me, but I hadn't answered, and they'd eventually gone away. I didn't want to voice my fears aloud when they were already so loud in my head. Being alone might not be the most comfortable thing, but it was the safest for me as I attempted to wrap my brain around the twist of fate that I'd had no way to expect.

Maybe it was my exhaustion setting in, but I found myself struggling not to laugh at the whole situation. Kotaro had said it before, but it had never been as clear to me as it was now: I was so naïve. Without realizing it, I'd begun to construct plans for what I would do after all this was over, but I should have known it couldn't be that simple. All the dreams I'd subconsciously stored up...they were all laughably stupid now.

I raised my head slowly and stared at the mess of finery I'd shed once I'd gotten back to my room. The discarded clothes were a perfect representation of all the things I'd imagined I would be able to do after this whole journey was over: discarded and never to be used again. Despite this knowledge, however, all those dreams kept playing over and over in my head, mocking me.

If Azrul and the Third knew what they were talking about—and I had no reason to doubt that they did—I was going to die, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Emotion bubbled within me as I thought of a certain person who had stood by me through my most difficult times. I'd only just realized just how deep my feelings for him were, and now—now what could I do about it?

The thought spun around in my head, tormenting me to the point that I wanted to just end everything now and save myself the trouble of waiting for the damning day of my death. I was so tired of fighting this losing battle, and besides, I was going to die alone anyway, so I may as well just get it over with, right?

Panic welled within me as the thought burst to life, and I pushed myself to my feet. I sucked in a shaky breath, and the need for a drink and a breath of fresh air clouded my senses. Only one thing was clear at the moment: I needed to get out of here, and I needed to do it quickly.

Stumbling to the door, I pushed it open and stepped into the dark hall. I had no idea where I would go to get what I needed, but the swirling within me propelled me forward. If I stayed in that room a moment longer, I would lose myself just as Azrul had predicted the night before.

As I moved forward, my bare foot came in contact with something solid. I pitched forward with a sharp inhale, and I was too exhausted to think about the fact that I was falling before a hand caught hold of my elbow and an arm banded around my waist. A puff of breath made the hair framing my face dance as the warm, comforting scent of sage flooded my senses.

"You okay?" Kotaro's whisper was slightly hoarse.

Had he been sitting outside my door all night? Sudden tears welled in my eyes at the thought of him sitting out here, being with me while still giving me my space. I hadn't cried about any of this yet; rather, a sort of numbness of soul had overtaken me as I wrestled all night with my thoughts. The knowledge that Kotaro had just sat here, waiting for me, however—I struggled to breath properly as the conclusion I'd come to the day before echoed in my ears.