Secrets

Chapter Fifteen - Rated R

Anya

The cold air wakes me and I snuggle backwards into the warm arms of...oh crap, Devan? I tense up slightly at the memory of last night but he pulls me closer to him, if that was even possible, and breathes softly into my hair.

I'm comfortable and have no intention of moving, despite the fact that the sunlight is shining through the break in the drapes, taunting me for being in bed so late in the morning.

"Mmm, Anya," Devan mumbles and a giggle bursts through my lips. I manage to smother it before I disturb him because I really do want to stay where I am for a little while longer.

Last night was awful yet, once again, Devan played the knight in shining armour, brought me here, cheered me up and held me in my sleep. After last time I swore to myself I wouldn't let it happen again yet here I am.

I'm completely ambivalent about my feelings towards him and it's driving me crazy. Every time I see him I want to touch him, kiss him and spend forever wrapped in his arms. There's also the ridiculous need to push him up against a wall and have my way with him, which slightly overpowers all of the other emotions, worryingly.

He made his position on the matter perfectly clear last time and, to be honest, I'm grateful. Otherwise I would've given myself to him and gotten hurt. We can't have a relationship. I can't get involved in anything with him because I won't be here long enough. And even if it's a short time deal then I will get myself hurt. I know myself well enough to know that I will fall for him, hard, and perhaps then I won't have the strength to walk away.

So it's much better this way. But when he's pressed up against me, parts of his body waking up before he does, it's difficult to remember this. Knowing that he only sees me as a friend helps, but not enough.

My mind switches to Jackson and I cringe slightly. I really didn't see that coming and now I feel awful. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Jackson. I pray that our friendship hasn't been ruined because of it, I could do without losing any friends right now.

I haven't even spoken to Suzy and Helen properly since I started sitting with the elite. They told me that we shouldn't hang out together because it's not the 'done' thing. Perhaps they just don't want to be my friend anymore.

"Morning gorgeous." Devan's sexy gravelly morning voice brings me back to the present as he squeezes himself right up against me and kisses my head, making my insides clench with anticipation.

"Shit, sorry." He realises his mistakes and moves away from me, causing a small whimper to escape from my lips, much to my chagrin. He laughs a little and turns me around to look at him.

"God you look sexy in the morning," he says, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"Um, thank you?" I'm confused. This is crossing friend territory and heading straight towards 'I'm going to push you up against that wall' territory for me.

He's so close to me, his nose is nearly touching mine, and I know that if his lips touch mine I'm a goner. He's looking at me and I can't decipher what he's thinking when suddenly he pulls me towards him and crashes his lips against mine.

It takes me less than a second to respond, almost as if I am on autopilot with him. My hands find their way to his hair and he rolls me underneath him. I wrap my legs around my waist as his tongue gains entrance into my mouth.

I moan involuntarily and he rewards me by bucking his hips against mine, causing another whimper to escape me.

"I want you, Anya." He says, staking his claim against me as I surrender completely. That voice far in the back of my mind is telling me to run, to push him away, but I don't listen. My head is foggy with lust and I submit to him. I mumble something incoherent as a response and Devan sees acceptance in my failure to respond.