Secrets

Chapter Thirty Four

Anya

Today is graduation and Devan and I have just pulled up to find the rest of the guys waiting patiently at the entrance to the school, laughing and joking together. Jackson and Josh had each other in headlocks while Sam and Ricky cheered them on. They were drawing quite an audience and it dawned on me that they probably wouldn't have behaved like this eight months ago when I met them.

"You made it then?" Josh asks sarcastically as he breaks away from Jackson, heading over to us. Jackson, however, has other ideas and tackles him from behind, knocking Josh into me briefly before Devan pulls me back lighting fast.

"Watch what you're doing!" Devan shouts at them and they both mumble apologies to me, which makes me laugh.

Before I respond we are all being summoned inside and told to find our seats. I wave goodbye to the guys and head to my place, sat in between two girls that I don't know, but clearly know each other. They talk around me and I notice them both shooting glances my way.

"Is everything okay?" I ask, looking at them both. The one on my left blushes slightly and nods her head, embarrassed, but the one on the right speaks up.

"What's it like to date Devan Anderson? Is he a good kisser?" I sigh. It's not the first time I've been bombarded with these questions and I won't be sorry to see the end of it, but I decide, for once, to humor them.

"It's amazing. He's perfect and so so dreamy." I answer, pretending to flush and they both coo over him. I laugh a little and look up to the row in front to find him looking at me and laughing. He heard - if I'd known he was listening I wouldn't have said that. I smirk at him and wink and he laughs even harder, causing everyone surrounding him to look at him in surprise - it makes me think they've never heard him laugh before.

Ms. Kundera calls everyone to attention and begins her speech. It seems to drag on forever before she introduces Ethan Hawkins, a young and successful businessman in the area who works in the manufacturing industry, as our keynote speaker. 

My mind wanders consistently throughout the speeches, thinking about the past couple of weeks and, more specifically, Josh. I think back to a week after I came home and he turned up at Devan's and insisted he take me out for dinner. Devan wasn't too happy, but didn't make a big deal out of it.

When we got to the local diner he didn't hold back on me, not that I didn't deserve it.

Three Weeks Earlier

"Anya, I'm not happy with you, but I think you know that."

I nod - I'd guessed as much. He hasn't welcomed me back like the others.

"Do you have any idea what you put us through?" He asks and I focus on trying to control my breathing instead of answering, which draws a sigh out of him.

"You know you can't leave again don't you? What you did was selfish and irresponsible, and if you want our trust again we have to know you won't do that again."

"It was selfish, you're right. But, Josh, you need to understand that I made these decisions before I even met you, before I met Devan." My voice breaks slightly at the end, dreading the reminder of being without him.

"I get that Anya, but shit happens, things change, plans don't always work out how you thought they would. Trust me on that!"

I nod in response. I get that now, but at the time the thought of changing the plans I have been working towards for a quarter of my life seemed almost impossible. The sensible thing to do would have been to talk to Devan, but I didn't. Instead, I hurt him and will never forgive myself for that.