GODS AT THE CENTRE ( EDITING)

CHAPTER XXVII, ESOLA: DRIVE OF LIFE

Esola yawned. She did not know where this afternoon was going but she wished it would go faster. Her eyes followed the fly that zigzagged aimlessly from one corner of the ceiling to the other.  It probably didn't know where it was going. Aimless, bored, just like her.

"Mistress."  Akena's timid head poked out from the door. "Your food is ready."

She sighed. "Serve the children. Make sure Bibu doesn't try to feed his meal to the pigeons. Save none for me. I will wait till dinner."

She looked back up at the ceiling just in time to see the fly zigzag into a web. It thrashed, thrashed. The patient spider scurried with death in each of his needly limbs. It was over for the fly.

She yawned. She was heading out.

The sun was boiling the stones of the avenue. She couldn't risk a stroll to the gate. She sighed and sat on the pavement. Today was boring. Emmeso had left in the morning, looking tense. He was tenser these days. He turned more often in his sleep. When he wasn't aware she noticed his brow knit in worried lines. His smiles lacked lustre. Something had changed since the day he returned.  She must ask him.

"Greetings, mother" Aris said hastily and passed on, his writing things tucked under an arm.

She nodded. Sending the boy to the Kuzie was good.  The farther away he was from Tasa the better. 

She sighted Binta, the daughter of the gardener returning through the gate was jutting in the centre. She was pregnant again!  Some people are so lucky. They are as fertile as the Earth. Others, like her well.  She sighed. That was a story. She moved away before Binta could come close enough to greet her.

She had wanted a boy so badly, she had done everything!_She had made supplications to Ania the goddess that she would favour her womb. She poured libations to the gentle spirits of good children that were said to live in the old Kir tree with the sooty bark in the patched courtyard of the hall of spirits in Idem's temple.   She had listened to midwives. Every herb, every paste, posture and habit, she had done.

But with every moon, her womanly blood flow returned like a taunt.   She couldn't even get pregnant. After Tasa, it had seemed that the gods had sealed her womb. 

And even though Emmeso had said nothing about taking another wife, every year made her desperate. His patient could only last so long.

She had gone to the oracle of fires. Amid the shadows cast by the roaring fire in the naos, his eerie voice had wrung out her faith from cowries cast against the floor. "You are a good woman who has done your ancestors no wrong. You bear your neighbour no ill.  Of children you greatly desire. But the gods would only grant you few.  Be patient!"

She had wanted to ask the Oracle if she would have a boy. How long it would take her to wait... But nobody ever questioned the Oracle's pronouncement. One hears what the Oracle wishes to say. That which She left unsaid, should be left unasked.

She had gone home with an unsettled hope.

When Emmeso had brought back Aris she had ridiculous thought at first sight that he was the child of Emmeso's mistress. That Emmeso had fed up and was moving. Now, she thought about it. It was all ridiculous. They looked nothing alike.  When she found out who he was, she loved the boy all the more for who he was not. Her love grew and Aris became hers. Her son.

Something guilty was stirring within her.     She got on her feet.   No more idle thoughts

Around the garden, she found Bibu. He was whispering to the pigeons that perched all around, scrambling for his rice! Akena had failed. 

"Eat, eat. Don't be greedy, big bird. Let the little ones eat." 

Big bird? This was the little thing so much of her joy depended on. She taught about spanking him. He shouldn't waste food.  But she wasn't in the mood for his tears.

"Birds can get their food, you know? You shouldn't share yours with them."  He froze. "Mother!"

His throat was working up and down. He was frightened.    She chuckled. "Keep feeding them. Give me some."

He scooped some of the rice into her hand. She stooped and the birds pecked at her hands without fear.

The one he called big bird pushed his way to the front and went down with sheer greed.

"Big bird! Don't pinch mother's hand!"

She chuckled. It was joyful just being here. Birds pecking at her hands. And Bibu shouting. This being that was no less than a drop of blood within her years ago. "Don't worry, I am not hurting. Don't worry."  

A  shadow fell across the birds. They broke into flight as the shadow rushed.  She looked up.  It was Tasa. Her face was a scowl.  "Greeting, Mama." Then she was gone beyond the bend.

"What's wrong with her, Mama?"

"I don't know. I don't know." There were so many things she did not know these days, so many things.