Make It Right || kσσkv

xxxix

Taehyung laid on the left side of the bed while Jungkook had the right side of the bed. No longer cuddling but this time they were looking at each other while laying down. Nothing but complete silence in which Jungkook assumed Taehyung needed so he didn't bother saying anything as he stared at Taehyung who looked back at him. "... Why'd you leave me?" Taehyung said quietly. The sudden question confusing Jungkook on what Taehyung meant by that but when he did realize Taehyung's question, he closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip for a moment.

"I never asked because... I didn't want to hear your answer. I didn't want to hear the reasons you had for leaving me because I convinced myself that I didn't need to hear it but it bothers me. So much... that I began to think maybe I was the problem." Taehyung kept his voice low while looking at Jungkook and the moment Jungkook heard that, he scoffed. "No... god no Taehyung." Jungkook slowly reached for Taehyung's hand that was resting on the bed in front of him. Grabbing the cold hand, Jungkook held it tightly and flashed a saddened smile. "You were far from the problem. You... were..." Jungkook breathed in and shrugged.

"I loved you," Jungkook admitted in which Taehyung's eyes softened and his facial expression just... it took Jungkook back to three years ago. "But my love for you wasn't enough to make me stay... which sucks because I really wanted that life I talked to you about." Jungkook finished off with a little laugh which he didn't know why he laughed but he did. "... The apartment." Taehyung brought up and that made Jungkook's giggle die down as he then slowly nodded. There Jungkook went silent since he had yet to tell Taehyung why he left but anytime he thought about his father's words, he wanted to cry because honestly he never fully recovered from what his dad said... what he did to Jungkook.

And Jungkook never did recover from that. He just numbed himself to forget. "... When I went home three years ago, my dad had just got off the phone and... he was told that I was caught sneaking out of your room." Jungkook breathed in slowly with his words that were coming out slowly since he was hesitant on what he was saying. "He made a big deal out of boys liking boys. Called me disgusting... and I tried to make him understand how it was like for me all those years. Wanted him to feel just a little bit bad for what he did but... you know what he said?"

Jungkook looked at Taehyung who was already giving off a sad expression. Shaking his head slowly, Taehyung gulped and waited for Jungkook's response. It took him a bit longer though since he had to repeatedly tell himself he wouldn't cry or have a voice break while saying this. "The moment I came out... I was dead to him. That... he wouldn't dare to be me and if he was me..." Jungkook had his tongue brushing against his teeth. "... If he was me, he'd be long gone from this earth." Jungkook licked his lips after he finished then sighed loudly which was followed by a forced laugh. "So no Taehyung, you weren't the problem. You were far from it."

Taehyung looked at Jungkook for a long time before he shook his head slowly. "Do you know how strong you are Jungkook?" Taehyung asked Jungkook who shook his head. "I'm not." He whispered out. "I'm just numb," Jungkook admitted to Taehyung who placed his other hand over Jungkook's hand that was holding his hand. "Which is understandable. All these years you had to be strong not because you wanted to but because you had to be. You lost yourself trying to find yourself, didn't you?" The words made Jungkook want to laugh.

Three years later and yet Taehyung still had the right words to say. Although Taehyung was right, he was wrong at the same time. "You're not wrong, but... I lost myself the moment I walked away from us." Jungkook admitted to Taehyung. "The moment I left Seoul... with you behind? Broke me but the idea of being in love with someone as perfect as you?... scared me because my life was fucked up then and to this day it's still fucked up. I saved you from myself... but why do I regret it? Do you have an answer for that Tae? Why do I regret leaving you?" Now Jungkook was letting the words spill. The questions he was asking himself, he was now asking Taehyung.

Not really expecting an answer anyway but the words felt right to ask Taehyung. "Because if you stayed... we could have had that life we talked about. We could have been together and... I would have never left to Ilsan and started a new life with someone who..." Taehyung gulped at his wording as he then looked away from Jungkook. Laying on his back, Taehyung looked at the ceiling. "I wanted to find you. I know you run away to not be found but every cell in me wanted to find you because you broke me. I fell so hard for you Jungkook and you just... up and left."

"But Sungjae stopped me. The first year there I missed you like crazy but Sungjae hated that. Made me feel bad for loving you. I think... now that I'm thinking of it, he guilt-tripped me because I loved you. He still liked me when I moved in with him... and he always reminded me that he was the one who helped me back on my two feet, which... he isn't wrong but... I started feeling bad for loving you so I just..." Taehyung rubbed his face then let his hands drop onto his stomach. "So I fell in love with Sungjae to make him happy and to forget about you."

Jungkook's eyes widened at the information Taehyung was telling him. "Which made me feel bad... so I convinced myself that I wasn't going to break his heart because of the way I forced myself to love him. It worked, for a while. I was happy with him... but only when I wasn't thinking of you." Taehyung's voice broke which made Jungkook sit up slowly but didn't move. "Which was fucking worse so I slept with him. To make myself feel better, I slept with him and before I knew it I was in a whole ass relationship with Sungjae." Taehyung forced a laugh.

"... Then one drunken night I..." Taehyung stopped talking and cleared his throat since he started to sound like he was about to cry. "One drunken night he asked me why I got with him and I couldn't lie... so I told him... and he got mad." Taehyung looked at Jungkook as his hand then wrapped around his neck. "And let's just s-say... this isn't the first time he hurt me like this." Taehyung forced a laugh hoping the tears wouldn't fall but they did. "But I deserved it because I used him. I feel like I owe him everything but... I'm scared of him. I've been so scared of him since that day and every time I forget it, he does it again and again and-"

Taehyung's voice started to get shaky and just as Jungkook moved in to comfort Taehyung, the boy stopped Jungkook. "The point i-is-" Taehyung sniffed and looked at Jungkook who was saddened by Taehyung's words. "If I just... went to find you then I wouldn't be here. I-If you did-didn't leave Seoul, we could have had that life. If I... If I just stayed up a little bit longer that morning then this could have all been avoided and now... three years later, here we are." Taehyung started to tear up again but this time Jungkook was there to wipe his tears.

"W-We could ha-have been ha-happy." Taehyung looked at Jungkook with tears that just kept flowing. So not only was Jungkook a mess after he left but so was Taehyung. The difference was that Jungkook abused alcohol to forget Taehyung and Taehyung used Sungjae. They were both bad decisions. Jungkook depended on alcohol to get him through the day and Taehyung... took the abuse from Sungjae because he felt he owed him? How fucked was that? They both thought of the what-ifs and... Taehyung loved Jungkook so much more than Jungkook originally thought.

Which warmed his heart because no one has ever loved Jungkook that much, or at least no one ever told Jungkook how much they love him. Hearing Taehyung cry again broke Jungkook as he wiped his own tears and moved closer to Taehyung. "Hey, shh." Jungkook cupped Taehyung's cheek and looked down at the boy who looked up at Jungkook. "... Who says we can't be happy now?" Jungkook sniffled while caressing Taehyung's cheek. "Because... honestly I haven't stopped loving you and I don't think I ever will stop loving you Kim Taehyung," Jungkook said as a tear fell although he had a loving smile.

Taehyung kept his eyes on Jungkook until eventually, he started crying more. Grabbing Jungkook's hand the was caressing his cheek. "I love you... god I love you Jungkook, I love you so much please don't ever... Don't leave m-me ever again please." Taehyung breathed out shakily while placing his forehead against Jungkook's forehead. Gripping tightly onto Jungkook's shirt, Jungkook managed to smile through the tears. "I'm never gonna leave you Taehyung. I'll never do that to us again, not ever again." Jungkook assured Taehyung.