My original character thoughts.

Maybe It's Better This Way.

2010+ words

Warnings for: psychosis symptoms as follows:

Insomnia

daydreaming 

Hallucinations (hearing, feeling, seeing in this case) 

Harm of self due to hallucinations

Eventual Death

Remember to stay safe out there, I love you

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Sebastian wasn't exactly one or the other when it came to sleep, whether he over slept or under slept depended on his mood, and also depended on how good of a day it was. He tried thinking back to events of today that were sweet, like getting smiled at, or from some other day like getting to hold someone close and enjoy their warmth. 

It was weird though to ever be successful in doing that. More of the time, he often found himself thinking back to horrible times. Times he'd lied, times he'd laughed at someone, times he'd been yelled at for being bad. He never meant for it, but maybe they were meant for someone awful like him. Sebastian knew deep down these were all stupid paranoia fits, stupid, stupid thoughts poisoning him, but he had good parts about all of it. 

There was a thought that crossed his mind that night, something nice, something sweet, quickly growing to passionate and loving. Sebastian decided to indulge in it and see where it took him, the thought giving his neurons little sparks to the left, to the right, all culminating into his frontal cortex and--there it was, a mental image. Sebastian closed his eyes as if he was going to sleep despite his insomnia and focussed on the image, getting deeper and deeper, till he pieced together what was happening. 

He was in his old room, fingers lining over thick dust, but the room was clean of his clothing he'd thrown around when he was angry, or when he couldn't find something. Sebastian frowned at the memory, and shoved it away to focus on the positives in the space. His astrological wallpaper that peeled felt just as he remembered it, smooth, with little dimples in it the closer you got to the top or the bottom. So fond… so good. He settled down on his bottom bunk, allowing the broken mattress to creak as he sat and played with the scratchy quilt cover. 

These were the goodest bad times, a clean room with nothing to worry about. The goodest of bad times were great. Sebastian eventually realized that he heard somebody walk into his room, to which his cyan eyes peered up to see at first, Axel, then Alexander and--oh. There was Erick. He thought really hard about who was here with him, finalizing on E and smiling to the taller figure. Sebastian found himself blanking on what they were doing, blanking maybe on where they were? It was his room, he knew that, a fragmented memory of it yet it was so full of life! 

Sebastian thought a little harder, finding E approach on him and sit on the bed next to him. The creak of the bed was subtle as they settled, Seb's hand quietly intertwining with his lover's as he wondered who would speak first. 
      "So this is where you grew up?" 
The voice was strange, but welcome from E's mouth, the man looking more expressive as he peered around the space. Sebastian could tell that E didn't like the carpet, he wasn't sure why. 

But he gave an awkward giggle, scratching the back of his neck and nodding. 
     "I mean--yeah, it was really good here. I miss it." 
He replied so gently, peering his cyan eyes into E's. He could feel the room almost melt away as he focussed more on E to get that vivid, crisp picture. What would the taller man say next? He was on the edge of his seat. A smile curled on the other, very faint but there. 

     "That's nice. I'm glad you have a safe place. What did you do?" 
E was asking questions in a manner Seb had never heard, so he thought a little harder, just a little harder--to get a better voice in his memory, just something. Sebastian felt a giggle bubble in his chest. He felt so raw, so open to someone he loved dearly, it felt nice.