Thirty-One Days

Day 25 - Anger

This to me is one of the most gut-wrenching scenes in CLOY. Super painful that I am sure we cry everytime we watch this part. 😭💔 What emotions were haunting Ri Jeong Hyeok while hurting Yoon Seri with his lies?

*****

ANGER

"Rather than giving up my whole life, seeing you now bothers me more. So leave now. Please."

Lies. Pure lies. Telling lies is one thing that angers me the most and here I am trying my best to convince myself that what I am doing is right. Throwing hurtful words at you makes me loathe myself to the core.

Truth is, I was pretending not to look at you. But God knows how every nerve in my body wanted to respond to you, Yoon Seri. To touch you. To embrace you. To feel your pain and take it all away. To kiss your lips that never looked so pale until today.

"Ri Jeong Hyeok-sshi. This must be very tough for you... This is very tough for me."

Yes it was the toughest, my dear Yoon Seri. You have no idea... Staring blankly at the white-colored blinds, I dared not to blink lest my burning tears will fall.

I saw you touched your side. I knew you were in great pain. Why? Because I felt it too, my love. A dull, piercing pain from my chest down to my gut that I could not pinpoint where it even starts or where it ends.

When words no longer came out of me, I saw you lifted yourself up with so much effort. I swear I wanted to run to your side. To help you and care for you like I did way back in the hospital. But I could not. I should not...

I needed to be the most detestable actor in the entire Korean Peninsula if your freedom was the grand prize.

Then I felt you carefully walked out the door. Do you know the struggle within me to not even look your way? When all I wanted was to run towards that glass door and lock it so that I could spend more moments with you? Even if I was hurting you? And I end up hurting myself a thousand times more?

I am more than angry, Seri. My soul just left me. I am good as dead.

"Why did you have to be so harsh on her? That ill person forced herself to be here. She passed out and was carried on someone's back."

And when I thought I could no longer feel anything, those words from Chief Kim struck me to the core. Worry. Fear. Guilt. Anguish. Pain. Anger. All these hurricane of emotions scared me like demons strangling me in my midnight sleep. I wanted to wake up but I couldn't.

I pretended I was not hurt but my heart was crushed and broken. I pretended I did not want to see you but all I wanted was to be with you. All these lies have shown me that I love you more than I realize.

"Mr. Ri! Where are you going?"

I ran as fast as I could to at least catch a glimpse of you. And there you were... lying weak and lifeless on the back of another man. It should have been me, Yoon Seri! I should be the one holding you and carrying you to safety. In my arms. With my own strength. Not another man. Not a stranger!

All I could do was helplessly watch from afar and touch your body with my hands through cold glass. How could I hurt you this way? Did I put your life on the line again?

I am sorry, Yoon Seri... I am so sorry...

-Ends-