Destiny

Part 15: "What's the point of breaking up if we've never even been together."

   I woke up with terrible headache and I was really expecting that. I can barely move my body but I know exactly where I am. The mental institution again. I remembered the first time I got here, when I was out of my mind. At least they gave me a better room this time then the empty, cold room they used to give me. Probably I'm less like an animal I was when they met me.
   "Are you okay?" Matthew asked. Dr Stewart? I don't know what to call him.
   I said nothing. Exhausted at this point. How could I not when I passed away from being a maniac screaming like a banshee. I turned my back on him.
   The doctors whispered as if I can't hear all those nasty, offensive things they said. Calling me names then saying how I've finally come to my sense. Matthew shooed them away leaving only us in silence.
   "You wouldn't want to talk would you?" He asked with such heartbroken intonation I've ever heard. "What are we now? Are we breaking up?" He said again.
   I sat up looking at him.
   "What's the point of breaking up if we've never even been together." I said straight to his face. My heart ache, it really does.
   "Hannah, I know I'm not Chase and this all fake but my feelings towards you were all true. I love you Hannah, please." He said pleading. His eyes glimmers from the tears building as he try his best not to cry.
   I can't seems to let out any word as I too felt like crying. I feel my breath started to choke as I hold the tears. I shake my head. That's the only thing I can do.
   "What about me? What about me Hannah? I can't even blame you. That I'm hurting. That my heart hurts when you said you love me. I'm not Chase! But when I said I love you too I really do." He said, I can feel the pain in his word.
   I know he's sincere and I can't say how grateful I am knowing that but this is too much.
   "No."
   "Hannah please."
   "No! Can't you see this is all too much! We messed up, I MESSED UP." I screamed covering my ears with both my hands.
   The other doctors rushed into my room making sure everything's fine.
   I had to stay in the hospital for over 2 weeks and for that period of time I've been keeping my mouth closed. Matthew tried to talk to me every second he gets but I still don't feel like talking. I did say a few thing once in a while just because I don't want to drown myself more in these sorrow.

   It'd be a lie if I said I have no feelings towards Matthew. That I love Chase but deep inside I knew the person I love wasn't him, it's Matthew. I love Chase, we've been friends for years and when he left me it's obvious I'm not fine. I can't forgive myself for what I've done, for mistaking Matthew as Chase when the two of them clearly have nothing in common.
   The only thing they shared in common was that both of them went to the same high school as I did. As I started to remember, Matthew and I both have a pretty good friendship. He must've been heartbroken when I told him I had a crush on Kyle, in my defense I never knew he likes me. Then we graduated, never seen each other ever since.
   All the times I spent with Matthew thinking he was Chase crashed me badly. I knew I love Matthew but I can't stopped thinking about how insane it is how messed up it got. It's not fine to brush everything off acted like it was nothing when it clearly effected me, us, our relationship. What was I supposed to do? It hurt to act like nothing happened and continue my love life but the thoughts of leaving Matthew knowing damn well I love him hurts even more.