In The Bleak Midwinter | T Shelby

TWENTY THREE - CUTTING TIES

The house was empty, thankfully, when Calvin arrived. Bonnie and Aberama were out, Kaia didn't know where, but they'd been gone since before she'd left for work that morning and from experience, she wasn't expecting them to return home that night.

She shivered as she walked inside, immediately lighting the fire and huddling close to it wrapped in Bonnie's blanket that he'd left draped over the sofa.

Thomas had accompanied her back home, presenting a case to her as to why he should be there when Calvin arrived, just in case he needed to interject. Kaia disagreed. The entire journey home she felt like she'd been encapsulated into a perfect secluded bubble with just Tommy and herself, filled with love and passion, an excitement and a fire growing between the two of them as the thought about what their future might hold.

Only it burst, quite abruptly, when she arrived home and said goodbye to Tommy. The waiting around was hard, sat watching the hands on the clock tick by, anticipating the knock on the door from Calvin. Kaia felt sick to her stomach. There were countless feelings that she had, all of them contradicting one another and none of them with the ability to conquer the rest.

Kaia knew in her heart that she wanted Thomas Shelby. She knew the way he made her feel was something special and she knew that deep down, he was the type of man she wanted. Rough around the edges, perhaps even deeper than the edges but at the very core, a gentle soul.

It was painful that Calvin was different, but she knew it would've been even more painful if he wasn't. It was a case of head and heart, Kaia being more than aware that Calvin Young was the safe choice, a guaranteed life of happiness and a wonderful, comfortable marriage that would likely last until the end of their time, but that was her head speaking, not her heart.

Her heart was pulling her from the inside, not saying anything but rather showing her through gut feelings and the skip of a beat. She knew she would never be happy if she never explored a life with Thomas, constantly drowning in a life of 'what ifs' while she lay in bed, wed to another man. No, Kaia couldn't do that.

She quickly snapped herself out of deepening thoughts when she heard a knock at the door. Jumping to her feet, she took a reassuring breath before answering it. It was quarter to eleven.

"Tommy? I told you to-"

She was silenced by him kissing her. He took her face into his hands without hesitation, not wanting to hear her say another word without kissing her first. He'd been able to think about nothing else, pacing home in the snow with a heavy worry on his mind and an inkling in his stomach that he was going to be let down and she was going to change her mind.

He forced himself to turn around and retrace his steps, trudging through the bitter air of the night until he found himself on the Gold's doorstep again. Light snow had fallen continuously but there were no fresh footprints in the snow outside the house, letting him know Calvin hadn't arrived yet.

"You need to leave, he'll be here soon."

His face held sadness and Kaia's heart crumbled at the sight. She wasn't used to seeing so much emotion from the man that was seemingly colder than her. Happiness she could tolerate, but watching the life drain from his eyes in every frown made her die a little inside.

"I couldn't," he shook his head, his tone low, "I was so worried you'd change your mind, that you'd see him and decide you didn't want me, that you were wrong."

"Oh Thomas," she whispered, gently touching his face, words struggling on her lips but giving nothing but silence.

The sound of a car pulling up and the glow of lights against the snow made Tommy take a step back. Not too far, his arm resting on the doorframe, but a step away from Kaia.